(VIDEO) What should a wife do when the husband does not pay her the proper attention?

The question was addressed by a married lady who has many expectations from her husband and is disappointed because she thinks her husband does not pay her the proper attention. I do not know the situation of this lady, but I responded to this live video based on the question:

The submission to husband is a command and is not conditioned

Here is what the Holy Scriptures says:

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24)(NASB)

This commandment of the Lord Jesus Christ is not conditioned in any way. The Word does not tell you to be subject only if the husband pays honor or attention or just as long as he pays you attention. The Word of God teaches that any woman must be subjected to her husband as to the Lord. The motivation of this obedience is not the character of the man or his behavior, but the fact that the man is the head of the wife. He has a position received from God, he is the head of his wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church. Each marriage carries this heavenly image, the image of the relationship that is between Christ and His Church. The way women behave must reflect how the Church is subjected to Christ.

In the same chapter, verse 33 says:

Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)

The word used here “to respect” does not imply a fear of punishment or beating, as has already become a habit for the Moldovan people. This is a very bad thing, and the saddest thing is that women in our society no longer see this as being serious. The Scripture does not say about this kind of fear.The word used here is the same used when the Bible tells us that we must fear God. This fear is not a fear of punishment, but a fear of not being angry with the face of the One we fear. It means deep respect, reverence; so, the Scripture say that it must be the attitude of each wife for her husband. This behavior should not be conditioned by what the man does or does not. 

The man can be won over by the behavior of his wife

After giving the example of Jesus’ subjection, the first epistle of Peter continues with this message addressed to the women:

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands;  just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. (1 Peter 3:1-6)(NASB)

So women have to follow the example of obedience of the Lord Jesus and be subject to their husbands. If the husband does not obey the Word, then he can be won by the behavior of his wife. There are many women who try to conquer and impress men through their external appearance; however many become disappointed because they fail. But there is something else that can help you win: the hidden person of the heart, in the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit. The wife who has a gentle and quiet spirit is of great price to God, but she also receives a great appreciation from her husband. Here is God’s advice for women who want respect and appreciation from their husbands.

The husbands must live with their wives in an understanding way as with someone weaker

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)(NASB)

The Scripture tells the husbands to live with their wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker. When he says “someone weaker”, he does not say a more despised one, but a fragile, very precious. The woman, being a weaker vessel, requires a more special treatment- special and wise attention. God teaches us, husbands, to be careful with our wives, to give them the proper respect, and to give them the proper honor.

A husband who does not behave like this with his wife does not know how to behave wisely with his wife and despises her; he is not a man who knows God. If a man knows God, it is also seen in his relationship with his wife. When a man does not give honor to his wife and does not live with her in an understanding way, then he can not have a beautiful relationship with God either, because the Bible says that prayers are hindered. Therefore, whenever I see an inattentive, loutish man who does not know how to behave with his wife tenderly, I quickly conclude that the man does not have a good relationship with God either.

Wives, rejoice in the Lord always and ask Him to solve this problem

There are many women who do not have the proper attention that the Bible tells the husbands to offer. This is what I advise you to do:

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philipians 4:4-7)(NASB)

This must be the source of your joy, not based on the attention you receive or not receive from your husband. If you receive it, rejoice in it; if you do not receive it, do not be grieved; rejoice, for the joy you receive is in the Lord!

Be anxious for nothing but pray for this need. Ask God in prayer to solve this problem, to speak to him, to show and to make him aware of it. The first immediate answer to prayer is that you will have the peace of God- that peace that surpasses all comprehension. This peace will come and guard your heart and mind in Christ.

Do not be conformed to this world:

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:1-2)(NASB)

As this text says, you do not need to be conformed to this world, because in this age, the generation of women have grown up to have high claims and expectations to receive much, but not willing to offer anything. They are mature and married but act like little children, just waiting to receive. You might know such women, have seen them in movies, or you yourself been influenced by such thoughts, so that all day you tease your husband. If somehow you think that you have been affected by this way of thinking, then you should not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind by studying the Holy Scriptures and applying the biblical truths. Seek to know well what God’s will is- that which is good, acceptable and perfect- and apply it to your marriage.

God bless you! I ask God that this message would bring a change in your family, to correct your attitude towards your husband and to be as God says. May God listen to your prayer May God listen to your prayer. If you have a husband who does not give you the proper honor, let God speak to him and listen to the Word. I hope for you to have a happy marriage, so that anyone who will look at your marriage – neighbors, relatives, children – will look at the relationship between you and your spouse and see a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the Church. May God help make it be seen in your life the power of God that changes people, relationships, marriages, and also, makes others want to follow the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.

I also recommend you to read these articles, which I have published on the portal www.moldovacrestina.md, which can help you build a happy marriage:

At the curch Biserica ”Buna Vestire” from Chișinău (str. Ciocârliei 2/8), you can find and buy the book  ”Sfaturi din Biblie pentru căsătoriți” and other inductive bible study courses about marriage, that I recommend: Marriage without regrets, How to build a marriage that lasts. In this playlist on youtube you can find the video lessons form the course ”How to build a marriage that lasts” You can also ask these books at the email adress: de e-mail: [email protected] or call the number  (+373) 78080886.

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Translated by Elizaveta Bîrlădeanu