What to do when your husband is not behaving with affection?

Question:

How sweet should the husband be with his wife when the wife is very loving, the husband is, too, but not as much as his wife, which displeases the wife because her husband believes that he has done his duty towards her and he can not do anything more. For example, if he is very tired (although he is tired all the time), before going to bed he does not even kiss or a hug her. There are times when, even if I see that he is not sweet, and I am not expecting anything, he rejects me, and anyway is cold and indifferent. How to react then? This rejection of him hurts me and it happens not only once. I want him to kiss me, hug me, be gentle. Only if he wants to make love he is more concerned. I think that each of us are selfish and love has always been our greatest need. But what is love after all? How is it manifested? Or how should it manifest? Although I know what it says in 1 Corinthians 13, the problem is that my dissatisfaction is sometimes so great that, I put out his eyes, as they say, and I have evil thoughts that maybe someone else would appreciate me more and I deserve more than this. I do not want to say that he is bad, the problem is my dissatisfaction, I think. And naturally, I can not pray, since I got married I can not say that I grew spiritually, on the contrary, I do not have wisdom and many times I do not know how to behave. I want to be otherwise, to love unconditionally, but I can not. Shall I not expect anything else from him but only from the Lord? But I am a human being …

I have previously written the articles Why does the husband sexual relations with his wife? (10 reasons)and What shall you do when your husband does not want to make love to you? (10 advice) that I advise you to read carefully before you continue reading this article.

I do not think there is any marriage in which the husband and the wife have absolutely identical needs.One needs more sleep, while the other one sleeps less. One speaks more while the other one is more silent.This list of differences can be continued infinitely.So is the need for affection.And even children are different in this respect and one shows a greater need for hugs than the other one.

From what you wrote, it is obvious that you are different from your husband in your need for shown physical affection.Therefore, you should not think that he rejects you.He thinks of caresses according to the value he himself has for them.

May the Lord give you wisdom to create a favorable entourage to tell him how much you appreciate his affection, tenderness, and comfort and how much you need them. Then, try to show and express your appreciation verbally when he manifests his tenderness.

I strongly recommend you to study together or to go to a Bible study group where they study “Marriage without regrets” course. From that course both of you will learn how to love unconditionally and fulfill your needs mutually. Also from this course your husband will understand the value of affection and if he learns this from God’s Word he will come to be transformed by God.

Translated by Felicia Rotaru