Is it necessary to tell your husband that you were in love with another man?


I am very troubled by a problem and I do not know how to find an answer. I was the victim of an “unshared love story.” I loved a man, whom I thought was my future husband, because he looked very much like the husband God had described to me. I have known for some time the name of my future husband and some of his characteristics and it happened that this man fulfilled them, including his name, but he rejected me. Only I loved him. Unfortunately, he was also a liar. He didn’t tell me he was divorced. He had divorced before he repented. He gave the clear impression that he had not been married. I found out after a few years, years after which I could not forgive him. I never wanted to love a divorced man, I always avoided it and still fell into the trap. I feel very guilty, even though I didn’t even touch him… It’s the very idea that I loved him, even though he had a wife. He remarried, but still lives in certain sins. I can’t forgive myself for loving him and, on the one hand, I don’t regret the story and that I loved him. Because I have changed for the better, I have learned what unconditional love is, as God loves us, even though we do not deserve it. But will my future husband be able to forgive me? I don’t know how to tell him I loved a divorced man. I don’t know my future husband yet, but I’m a little scared of him, honestly. Thank you very much.

I don’t think you know how to discern God’s will from what is written in the question. I am referring to the characteristics that God has told you about your future husband. You have created in your mind a will of God, which is not the will of God. You do not know the will of God  and you do not have an emotional balance. This is not how God’s will is discerned. Regarding marriage, in order to understand well what God’s will is, I recommend that you take the course “Someday, A Marriage Without Regrets” and study it. It is the most important need you have now. You must learn to distinguish God’s will well. God says it is our responsibility to discern what His will is.

I also invite you in the autumn to study the course “Marriage Without Regrets” at the session “Spiritual Counseling” at the Institute of Inductive Bible Study in Moldova. The session will take place inside the “Harul” church, located on 2/8 Ciocârliei Street, Chisinau,  from 5 to 17 September, 2016. For details, contact: +373 69 966779 or

Leave the fear of the future man. Don’t look for another man now. Detach yourself from the one you have become so attached to and do not rush to become emotionally attached to another man. Seek God and seek to know His will. Search His Word, watch in prayer. Here is what God says:

“But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:32-34 NASB)

An unmarried girl must seek to be pleasing to God, to serve God. A Christian girl doesn’t need to worry herself with unnecessary cares. Don’t try to attach yourself to a man. Seek God and God will fulfill your need. God says that “The hope of the righteous is gladness” (Proverbs 10:28). If it God’s will that you marry and He has put this desire in your heart, He is the One who will take care to bring you to a man. He will fall in love with you and you with him. You don’t have to worry about what you’re going to tell him. If you truly love him and are mature in God’s Word, there should never be a problem with being in love with another man. It will never bother him, he will enjoy you and you will enjoy him.

So, I hope you understood my advice well. Detach yourself from that man,  don’t seek to attach yourself to another man, but seek God. Start researching God’s Word in depth. Study it day and night. Pray and seek to understand Him. Serve with your spiritual gifts in the church. May this be the delight of your soul and God will give you everything your heart desires!

Translated bu Nicoleta Vicliuc