How to tell a boy that you can not overcome some of his flaws? Although I appreciate him, however, there are some difficult things, he’s more selfish, niggard, sometimes insensible… I know what the Bible says that I must do it with a gentle spirit and tolerate each other, but it seems difficult to say things as they are … I would like the guy to realize that I want his good and that repentance is the best solution for his faults. Should I tell him or pray in secret, hoping that God will change him?
If you work in a team to achieve a goal and his defects affect negatively the ministry, it is wise and necessary to tell him about those defects, but as you said, with gentleness and wisdom, to help him to overcome and not vice versa.God’s Word says:
Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. (Proverbs of Solomon 27:5-6)(NASB)
If he is wise, he will appreciate your direct reproof, he will change and the relationship will become even better, as it is written elsewhere in the book proverbs of Solomon:
He who rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with the tongue. (Proverbs of Solomon 28:23)(NASB)
If, however, he is arrogant and can not receive the reproof, this will be an indicator that it no longer makes sense to tell him another time, since he does not want to receive.
If, however, you are proposed marriage by such a guy, it is not good to accept the marriage. Say “Yes” only to the man you are sure you love him and you do not see any blemish, because you admire his character and all his person. But be wise and behave yourself properly when you will be proposed marriage.
Translated by Felicia Djugostran