This post is a continuation of the article “Dating and succesful marriage”. After we have seen how important it is to avoid dating before marriage and the reasons for this, today I address this post to the boys that want to learn how to propose marriage to the girls they love.
1. Make an offer only when you have the whole certainty and liberty. It may seem strange to you that I say this but sometimes girls and boys marry because they want to be married and not because they love from their heart that person. If you think that you can live without that person or that you can marry another one, that it can be another candidacy, then you can be sure that it is not God’s will to marry that person. Once somebody came to ask me how to choose between those two candidacies which he had. I told him categorically none of them. When it is asked in this way, you are not ready and it is not good to marry. You can propose marriage only when you have the whole certainty and liberty towards that person whom you want to propose marriage. I know situations when some boys break off the engagement and this brought on hurts and shame to that girl, to her parents and to the church. Such kind of behavior doesn’t represent a Christian. Solomon was saying about his beloved:“ You are altogether beautiful, my darling, and there is no blemish in you.” (Song of Songs 4:7)(NASB) If you don’t see in this way the girl or the woman you are going to propose marriage, don’t do this step.
2.Consult with your parents or with wise people.When I visited Pakistan for the first times I was very surprised to find out from my friends, servants of the church, when they told me that a lot of them saw their wives for the first time at their wedding and that their choise had been made by their parents for them. It seemed exaggerated to me and I asked how that was possible nowadays. They on their behalf answered wonderingly: “We also can not understand how your parents let you make such an important choise as that of choosing your life partners by yourselves, especially that you are at an age when you don’t have life experiece?” I think that they had a good part of truth in their answer. It is not good to run to an extreme, but it good, wise and necessary to advise with your parents considering the girl whom you want to propose marriage to. It is true that not all can listen to their parents’ advice and sometimes parents have other standards, such as wealth, studies, etc. and not the character firstly. Anyway, it is absolutelly necessary to discuss with your parents, to know their opinion and to take heed of it. This will bring you happiness. Besides, the first of those 10 commandments that deals with our relationship with people says: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.”(Exodus 20:14)(NASB) You can’t say that you honor your parents after you went to propose marriage to a girl without consulting them. Maybe you don’t have parents or, maybe, how I said above, your parents don’t show integrity and wisdom at the way they look at your decision after you told them. If you stay strong in your decision to propose marriage to a certain girl, before doing this go to advise with some wise men, who will help you to make a good decision according to God’s Word.
3.Arrange the event of proposal thoroughly. Don’t forget that this is the event when it will be taken the most important decision and maybe with the biggest emotional charge, more than it will be at the wedding. That’s why, think thoroughly at every word you are going to say and arrange to make this proposal in the most beautiful way worthy of a God’s child.
4.Be romantic. Make this proposal so that it may never be forgotten. I am so sorry that I didn’t know the Word of God when I proposed marriage to my wife and that I didn’t have anyone to teach me how to do it beautifully and romantically. How useful it would have been to read such article then. On my behalf, I have tought and teach all my disciples to make the proposal of marriage as beautifully and romantically as possible. So, one of them invited his future wife to the restaurant. It was for the first time because they didn’t date and never spoke on this subject. He has loved her for a lot of time and so, at the restaurant he prepared beforehand a nice table, decorated the walls and even had a love message written on the walls of the restaurant. When the girl entered she was shocked of what she saw. He came near her with a huge bouquet and proposed marriage to her. She also loved him for a long time but she didn’t show that. When she was asked she said with great joy and delight: “YES!!!” Another disciple, John, when he proposed marriage to his wife Alina, he invited her for the first time in the park. They came near a bridge where it was very beautifully decorated with flowers and laces. She supposed that it was something prepared for one’s event or maybe someone wa making a film, but nohow realized what followed on and that that was for her. They rowed in a nice decorated boat and he led her to a table from the park on which was a nice box. They opened it and in the box there were the engagement rings. John proposed her marriage and told her that if she didn’t accept to receive that ring, he would throw it in the water. She, shocked, said: “NO…!” and couldn’t speak anymore. He said:“So, to throw the ring in the water?” . “No-o-o-o, don’t throw the ring!!!”, Alina replied. Immediately after her answer, fireworks started. Such an event is never forgotten. I gave you these examples to learn to do a good and thorough plan and to learn to be romantic not only when you will propose marriage to your wife but your whole life.
5.Be convinced. You are a man and God wants you to have initiative, so behave as a man, convinced and not shameful. Show attention and respect, but don’t be impertinent and dominant in discussion, don’t press her. A man has to speak always boldly, respectfully, with all attention.
6.If you have been rejected, don’t lose your heart and your respect for the girl that you proposed marriage. Show all respect for her and receive her answer, knowing that this is God’s will for you. Don’t forget that:“God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)(NASB) After this show all respect for the person whom you proposed marriage.
7.If the girl or the woman is not ready to give you the answer, don’t insist. Give her freedom to take the whole time she needs to give you the answer. Beside, you don’t want to marry someone who took a hasty decision. So, don’t put any pressure on her.
8.If the answer is “YES!” show your joy and appreciation. Then you can discuss the next steps that are…
9.Go to the girl’s parents to ask her hand in marriage. It is important to do this. Go to her parents, but not before you have prepared to speak wisely and nicely. Show all appreciation for their daughter and that they grew her up. Don’t go empty-handed to them. It is nice to go empty-handed neither to her parents nor to yours.
10.Go together with your beloved to your parents to make them acquaintance. Be ready to introduce nicely the girl to your parents and your parents to the girl. Speak nice things about them.
11.Go together to the priest of the church to talk about your intention to marry, about engagement, about the course of premarital counseling that he has to teach you, about wedding, etc.
12.Don’t let to pass too much time till the wedding. Since you have decided to marry, don’t let to pass too much time till the engagement and then till wedding. This doesn’t do any good to anyone. If you know that you are in some circumstances and you can not marry soon, then don’t propose marriage, because this creates unpleasant situations.
May God bless you in marriage to have a happy family. You are always welcome if you have any questions. Put down your questions at the comments, so that I can answer also here, so that all readers will be able to profit of these answers and it will not be necesarry to repeat myself. May God give you a lot of blessings!
Translated by Djugostran Felicia