Developing team spirit in the family (part II)

CONTINUED. Find part I here: https://moldovacrestina.md/en/family-team-development-part-i/ 

Eli’s failure to create an effective team

Eli was a priest at the house of the Lord. He was a contemporary of Elkanah and a God-fearing man, but he had a problem in his family. His sons, who were in the service of the Lord as priests, were wicked men and did not know God. They lived in sin and made God’s people sin. What were the things that made Eli go bankrupt as a head of household?

1. Lack of communication with his sons

Only when he was very old did Eli learn of all the evil that his sons were doing. He was the last to find out about it:

So he said to them, “Why are you doing such things as these, the evil things that I hear from all these people?” (1 Samuel 2:23 NASB)

As parents, we need to spend time talking to our children, listening to them when they come to share their thoughts and experiences. When they are little, they say everything they think and do. We must be wise, listen to them patiently, and correct them gently when necessary. If we don’t make time to listen to them when they are small, they won’t have time to talk to us when they grow up. Or if we react angrily to what they tell us when they are little, then they will learn to hide the reality from us.

2. He did not confront them with determination and did not punish them when his sons did not correct themselves

Eli merely told his sons that what they were doing was wrong.

No, my sons; for the report is not good which I hear the Lord’s people circulating. (1 Samuel 2:24 NASB)

Then, although they did not listen to his voice and did not change their behavior, Eli did nothing. According to the Law, they were to be removed from the office of priests of the Lord.

3. He tolerated the wrong motivations of his sons

Even though his sons’ motivation to serve in the house of the Lord was not dedication but material gain, Eli did nothing. Through all these actions Eli was guilty before the Lord. God accuses him of complicity with his sons and that he has honored his sons more than Him:

Why are you showing contempt for My sacrifice and My offering which I have commanded for My dwelling, and why are you honoring your sons above Me, by making yourselves fat with the choicest of every offering of My people Israel? (1 Samuel 2:29 NASB) 

The example of Jesse, the father of King David

1. Cares for family members

There is little talk in the Bible about Jesse’s family, but it is clear that this father shows special concern for his sons. While his three eldest sons were at war:

Then Jesse said to his son David, “Take now for your brothers an ephah of this roasted grain and these ten loaves, and run to the camp to your brothers.  Bring also these ten slices of cheese to the commander of their thousand, and look into the well-being of your brothers and bring back [m]confirmation from them.  For Saul and they and all the men of Israel are in the Valley of Elah, fighting the Philistines.”  So David got up early in the morning and left the flock with a keeper, and took the supplies and went as Jesse had commanded him. And he came to the entrenchment encircling the camp while the army was going out in battle formation, shouting the war cry.  (1 Samuel 17:17-20 NASB) 

The Bible tells us that at that time, Jesse was old and advanced in age. However, we see how he takes care of his sons. He sends snacks for his sons, but also for their leader. In this way he made his sons gain favor their leader, but at the same time he was able to receive “thorough news” about his sons. We are often content with what our children tell us about how they are doing at school or college. But we can only get “solid news” if we go to school to talk to their teachers.

2. Teach family members to care for each other

Jesse does not send a stranger to bring food to his sons and bring him news from them, but sends one of the sons to teach them to care for one another and to build relationships one with another.

The example of Saul

Saul is the first king of the people of Israel. When he was little in his eyes, as Samuel says, God made him king over the people of Israel. But when he felt strong, he valued the position more than his relationship with God. Because he disobeyed the Word of God, God “rejected him as king” (1 Samuel 15:23). In his great desire not to lose his position, Saul makes many serious mistakes. Some of them also affected his family. What can we learn from his example?

1. Do not use family members in low personal interests

Saul used his daughters as a tool to manipulate David. First, he promises David his eldest daughter as his wife, and then he gives her to another as his wife. Then he promises his second daughter, Mical, as his wife, but sends word through his servants that he does not want a dowry for the girl, but to bring her a hundred Philistine foreskins. In fact, this was a game in which Saul wanted to put David’s life in danger and be killed by the Philistines. David did everything he was asked to do, and Saul gave him his daughter as his wife, but when Saul broke up with David, he gave Michal another wife. Then, when David becomes king, he takes Michal back. In fact, throughout this story, Michal, Saul’s daughter, suffered the most because she was used by her father in low personal interests.

2. Do not involve family members in conflicts

Jonathan, Saul’s son, is portrayed in the Bible as having integrity. In 1 Samuel 19:1 it is written:

Now Saul told his son Jonathan and all his servants to put David to death. But Jonathan, Saul’s son, greatly delighted in David. (1 Samuel 19:1 NASB)

We see that Saul pulls into his conflicts his son Jonathan, who in David had a friend with whom he had made a covenant. Jonathan was very close to his father Saul and was faithful. Do you realize what a bad situation he found himself in? In the case of Jonathan, we see that he kept his integrity, but it could have happened that, under the pressure of his father, he gave in.

Practical principles for developing team spirit based on the examples above and in the previous article:

-Let everyone know their responsibilities well and fulfill them.

-Responsibilities should be divided according to the possibilities of each.

-Children listen to their elders, that is, to their parents.

-Good communication between family members, especially children, should be taught to communicate to parents all the problems they face.

-Let the children learn that any complicated situation must be communicated to the parents for a solution.

-To motivate all family members to the same goal: to worship God.

-Let’s alleviate conflicts between family members without quarreling, through kind deeds and warm words.

-Support the initiative of family members and help them achieve their dreams.

-Let’s look after our children, let’s not be the last to find out about their problems.

-If we notice or find out that our children are doing things they should not do, confront them and, if there is no change, punish them for their own good in order to be corrected (not to pour out our anger on them).

-If we notice that they have the wrong motivations for what they are doing, help them change their motivations.

-Let’s take care of the family members and teach the children to take care of each other.

-Do not use family members for base personal interests.

-Do not involve family members in conflicts and intrigues.

I recommend the inductive Bible study course “Marriage Without Regrets“.

Translated by Aliona Soltan