What to do when you understand that you have not married the right person?


Pastor, I am a Christian, baptized at the age of 13. I am now 23 and I have been living for 4 years in another country. My relationship with God has cooled down , and in the meantime I have met a boy of Orthodox religion. We started a relationship for a few years, in which time I told him it was a sin to have intimate relationships without marriage. He accepted. I spoke to him about the Gospel, he has been to church with me, but he told me that he feels God’s presence more in the Orthodox church, it is a more spiritual atmosphere. I accompanied him several times. This summer I wrote to a well-known pastor if this marriage is possible. He told me that we need to discuss about the future, and then we will be able to do it. We went to him and we discussed, he agreed to marry us on the condition that the children be blessed, and each of us will keep his faith. Since I got married, I feel the need to get closer to God, to pray more, to love more, to fast for those who do not know God. Do you think we made a mistake with this marriage? I mention that my husband has changed much for the better since we met and I have managed to draw him to holy things. How should I proceed? The Bible prohibits marriage with an unbeliever, that is, a man who does not believe in God and does not worship Him. Can my husband be considered an unbeliever, as long as he recognizes God in his faith? I want to say that he did not pull me down from faith, on the contrary, I started to serve God more strongly, and I want one day God to truly reveal Himself to my husband.

Dear sister, I do not know who was the pastor who advised you then, but he did not do well and was not lead by the teaching of the Word of God, because an apprentice of Jesus Christ, who experienced new birth,

can not marry anyone other than a man who is part of the same covenant and who has made the same decision. This is very clearly presented in the Holy Scriptures, and the pastor should have corrected you from the Word of God when you went to ask him.

Now, if you entered this covenant of marriage, do not allow Satan to send you the idea or think of divorce. Now you have to stay married to this man and fulfill your role as a wife, as the Word of God teaches you. From what you wrote in this message, I understand that your husband does not hinder you from worshiping the Lord Jesus and he does not stop you from anything. Thank God that he is so and that he has respect for you and your faith. Seek to be a good disciple of Jesus Christ and follow His teachings. Be faithful to attend the divine services of your local church and teach your children of the Holy Scriptures, which are the same to the Orthodox and the Baptists, and to the Pentecostals and to all Christian denominations. Exceptions are heresies such as Jehovah’s Witnesses who made a translation in which they changed the text intentionally to match their heresy. As for how to deal with your husband, follow the advice given by the Apostle Peter, namely:

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. (1 Peter 3: 1-6) (NASB)

Behave with all due respect toward your husband, but pray to the Lord to give you boldness and wisdom to speak to God’s Word. I do not know what makes him believe that the atmosphere is more spiritual, but one thing is very important to know all to know, that the spiritual atmosphere in a church really exists when God’s Word is studied there, and when people understand the teachings of Christ and follow them. So may God help you to do every day of your life and to talk to your husband about how important it is to be born again, for Jesus said:

Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. (John 3:5) (NASB) 

I also recommend that you get the course “Marriage without regrets”, to study it well and then you will know how to deal with your husband and children and to live out your faith in your marriage.

Translated by Didina Cravcenco