What to do when you married an unbeliever and became unhappy?


When I was young I made the big mistake of marrying an unrepentant person, and I greatly regret it now. Now I always cry and think that I am not happy and I have never been. I think I just tried to lie to myself that all was well and good. I feel that I am not a part of the world I live in and I need a church and fellowship. Sometimes I think to divorce … but I know that God hates divorce. Other times I do not know if I continue to love my husband seeing how different from a Christian he is. Could you, please, give me some advice how to proceed according to God’s Word?

Do not even think about divorce

Do not accept this idea in your mind. When you decided to get married to the man who is your husband, you knew well that he was not a Christian and that it was a sin what you were doing, but you entered a sacred covenant with him before God – the covenant of marriage. Do not add to the harm you have done thinking of divorce now. And remember, that if you leave it, this thought may increase into heart and one day you may realize that you have already handed in the application for divorce.

Repent and go to church

Find the church that you had left when you decided to get married to this man, or if you live in another town, look for a church where the sound doctrine of God’s Word is preached. Find happiness in the Lord Jesus and in God who can give it. Do not think that if you divorce this man you will be happier. I tell you that, conversely, you will get more desperate and depressed.

Win your spouse for the Kingdom of Heaven

God’s Word teaches the women who have unbelieving spouses and especially those whose spouses do not agree to receive the Gospel message:

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external–braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. (1 Peter 3:1-6)(NASB)

This is God’s will for you and your situation. Decide to follow God’s Word with entire submission and have patience until He works and changes the life of your husband.

And finally I want to add something. When we seek our own happiness we get the most unhappy. I suppose you had the same reason when you married this man – to get happy, but you’ve got to feel totally unhappy. More important than happiness on this earth is the salvation of your and your husband’s souls. Make it a priority and do everything you can.

Translated by Felicia Rotaru