I am a young Christian woman and I want to marry a man who is 5 years older than me. We know each other more than a year. He was and is involved in church in various ministries and our pastors call him one of the core young man of our church. At the beginning of our relationship he told me that four years after he had been baptized he went astray from the way, sexually sinning with a non-Christian girl. He said that he had repented and changed and he knew God had forgiven him, too. I also forgave him. In a year I learned from some friends that he had had several sexual experiences with several non-Christian girls. I confronted him with the situation and he acknowledged the truth. I felt crushed, shocked by his testimony. He said that he had been weak and that he had hidden the whole truth for fear of hurting me and leaving him. He explains that he has changed, although his last fall was two years ago. How is it wise to act? To forgive him for the second time and risk entering the covenant of marriage with him? Or to break this relationship that is an unhealthy prerequisite for marriage, although I love him as I have never loved? Please give me some advice as soon as possible, I feel disoriented and desperate to be between two alternatives.
His gesture in the beginning of your relationship seems spiritually, when he confessed that he had sinned and apologized. But, I am about to think that he did that because he feared that people would come to tell you about his sexual immorality. I wonder why he said that he had sinned with only one girl? I think he did it to create the impression that that fornication was an accident and not a lifestyle. The fact that people came to tell you that he had committed fornication with many women, a thing that he himself admitted when confronted, proves you once again that fornication was for him a way of life and not an accident for which he was sorry. I can not judge without knowing details and I do not know why pastors saw in him “one of the core young man”, but the fact that he presented you a half of the truth makes me believe that his repentance was half and thus he remains a divided hearted man who wants to be a friend both with God and also with the world. I do not think the concern “not to hurt you too much” was the reason that he has not told you about his fornication with many women, because you have been enough hurt. I say again, I think he wanted to present you that that was an accident, and not his lifestyle, or at least that it was until now.
It seems to me a great risk for you to marry him.
I read your message in the morning and then visited a family of Christians. There I learned of their great pain. One of the two girls they have, got married to a boy who had also lived in sin, although had grown up in a family of Christians. Then, it seemed that he repented and asked her to marry him. A few days after the wedding, she caught him smoking in the car and when she asked him how he explained that, he said that he had always smoked … Then he started to drink, use drugs and commit adultery with other women. When his wife became pregnant, to escape any responsibility, he said that the child was not his and drove her away from home. Now she raises the child alone and is very hurt in her heart. I thought of you when I heard this story. I think that it was not a mere coincidence that God made me find about this case this day.
Translated by Felicia Rotaru