Priest, I am 17 years and all my friends say it’s strange that I have not yet dated with any boy. I want to wait the one who will reach my ideals, but sometimes I feel so bad that I don’t have somebody to love me. I do not refer to sex, but to simple gestures: a flower, a walk in the park, a nice word. I want to follow the advice “not to arouse the love until she pleases”, but it is so difficult, especially if you think that is shame that by the age of 17, I have not kissed anyone. I want to meet someone to love me sincerely, but I think this is impossible. I think I am too sinful to receive a pure and righteous love from God. I do not deserve such a gift. Please, help me with a good advice to find peace for my soul.
The situation described by the author of the question is a very common one, especially in this world and nowadays. So, how should you proceed if you are in such a situation?
Do not listen to what people say
Why do girls say that it is strange that you have not dated anyone until now? The fact that you have not dated anyone yet, until the age of 17, is a virtue, not a weakness.This is a proof of your purity and that you are worthy of the name of “virgin” that you have. God wants you to keep yourself pure for your husband and the fact that you have not dated anyone so far is a beautiful thing before God. Only those, who do not know God’s Word and live their lives as they wish, can judge you. Do not be influenced by anybody. You will see in 15-20 years what the consequences will be in the lives of those who sought with all their strength to date anyone, and then you will see the difference between keeping and not keeping yourself pure.
Your husband will be proud of you and will respect you more
The fact that you are a virgin and that you have not dated anyone else, and your heart was not bound to any man, will make your future spouse respect and love you more. My wife told me she loves me when we got engaged and she said she loves me since I was in fourth grade. It makes me feel very special, and I have a deep respect for my wife whose heart was never bound to any other man but me.
Beware of traps
It is a sad reality, but I must say it – in this world, there are boys and men who behave cowardly. If one of them will find that you are desperate to date, they will set a trap to use you. You can wake up in a day and meet someone who comes to you and tells you that he loves you, that he admires you, etc. They will give you a flower, a walk in a park and a nice word but all these will not be from a heart that loves you, but will be traps set against your soul, to lure you in their bed and then, after they will use you, they will leave you as a dirty rag that they themselves have dirtied and turned into a rag. Do not be desperate to date because you do not want to become a rag.
Do not give an impression of a harlot woman
You said well when you said that you are not interested in having sexual relations with someone; that you want love, respect and genuine affection. Yet when guys will see that you are desperate to go for a date, they will think about you just inversely, that you are a careless and dissipated one. I am sure that you do not want anyone to believe this about you.
Why is it hard not to arouse love until she pleases?
You are under influences that arouse your love. One of these influences are your friends who repeat that “it is strange that you do not date anyone”. It is like you have a blemish, and they are perfect. Be wise and do not let them influence you.
When the colleagues of our daughter tried to tell her that she was a child since she does not date anyone, she replied, “Right, I’m still girl and I am happy for my childhood. And if you go on dates, it is suitable neither for your age nor to your situation; and it will only do harm to you.”
I suppose, there are other influences that make you think that it is wrong not to date. See what books, magazines and newspapers you read, what movies you watch, what Internet pages you visit; and last but not the least, who your friends are influencing you. Remove the bad influences in your life and remember what God says in the Scripture:
Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life. (Proverbs of Solomon 4:23, NASB)
God will honor the purity of your living
You should not feel dirty because you have not gone on dates. As I said it above, and I say it again – this is a virtue, and God will honor that you wait for the love He will send you at the appropriate time, as the Holy Scriptures say:
The hope of the righteous is gladness, but the expectation of the wicked perishes. (Proverbs of Solomon 10:28)(NASB)
And the girls telling you that “it is strange that you do not date at 17″, should not expect anything good if they choose to live such a life. God has a word for them:
The desire of the righteous is only good, but the expectation of the wicked is wrath. (Proverbs of Solomon 11:23)(NASB)
The man who will love you will propose you marriage
God is the one who puts love into people’s hearts and unites them in marriage. He will send your way a man who will be your husband, and you do no even realize how it will happen. Then the man who will truly love you, will want you to be his wife and not mistress. He will ask for your hand, as every wise man does.
Experience the true love now
You wrote in your message:
Sometimes I feel so bad that I do not have anybody to love me …
You know that there are many women who are married, have children, have spouses, but they have never experienced the true love. The Bible teaches us that God is love, and from Him comes true love. Here’s how He showed His love:
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. (The Gospel of John 3:16)(NASB)
I know that you have heard or read these verses before, but I want to draw your attention to the fact that the word “world” includes your being as well. For God so loved you, that He gave His only begotten Son that you could have everlasting life. By believing with all your heart in the Lord Jesus Christ and entering into a new covenant with Him, you get true love in your heart. This will give you true happiness that both the unmarried and the married miss so much.
Translated by Felicia Rotaru