What should you do when your mother prevents you from planning your life?


I am disabled and I want to know how to proceed when my mother asks me for a large sum of money. I am working hard to buy a single room to live independently, hoping to start a family through marriage. I argue almost daily with my mother over money. My mother claims to be an evangelical Christian and attends a church, but she does not tell me anything from God’s Word, but rather gives me advice on living in the world, not spiritual living. How much money does she ask me for? For example, 10,000 lei for modifying or repairing the room. 

I understand from the question that you are the only son and that you live only with your mother. I also understand that your mother took care of you from childhood to raise you. Here’s what I advise you. 

Honor your mother

The 10 commandments are divided into two large groups. The first four refers to our relationship with God and the last 6 relate to our relationship with people. The first commandment in group two, that is, the 5th commandment which tells us this: 

Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be prolonged on the land which the Lord your God gives you. (Exodus 20:12 NASB)

If you live only with your mother, then I assume that she had to make great efforts to meet the needs to raise you. I don’t know from what sources you accumulate money for the apartment. Maybe it’s the pension or the help from the state, but maybe you’re already working and saving like that. It is commendable and good that you want to buy a single room so that you can start a family, but you have to make your mother understand this and talk to her gently and wisely about this need. I invite you to listen to a message that I preached on this subject several years earlier. 

Reward your mother’s hard work

If your mother’s house needs to be repaired, she needs to contribute, too. I don’t know the situation, I haven’t been to your house and I don’t know many details that might make me give you another piece of advice. However, think carefully about the fact that you also have to take care of your mother and that means giving her good living conditions as much as possible. When he talked about the care we have to take for our parents, it is said: 

But if any widow has children or grandchildren, they must first learn to show proper respect for their own family and to give back compensation to their parents; for this is acceptable in the sight of God. (1  Timothy 5:4 NASB)

Help your mother to grow spiritually

The fact that your mother does not discuss spiritual things can be fixed in the following way. Suggest to your mother to study the Bible together. If she goes to church, I am sure she will enjoy studying the Bible with her son. I suggest you take a course in the 40-minute series. It would be good to start the course “Money and possessions: the quest for contentment,” because together you will learn a correct attitude towards money and you will certainly solve the misunderstandings you have. After that, take the course “Building a marriage that really works” because that way you will prepare for marriage, but your mother will also better understand what your role is and what are the limits for her when you form a family. 

If your mother reads this message too…

Don’t put pressure on your son. Encourage him to start a family and make it so he is able to buy an apartment. And still… if you get along well with him, then he may not even want to buy an apartment, because he will understand that you will be able to live together when he gets married. I assume that if you constantly have misunderstandings, the son is afraid that it will be impossible for you to live with his future wife. A beautiful relationship without quarrels is more important than home repair or other issues. Having a beautiful relationship, the Lord will help you to make the renovation easier. May the Lord help you in everything and give you the wisdom to repair your relationship with your son. 

Translated by Liza Bîrlădeanu