Should you tell your marriage partner about your past sexual sins?

Question:

I dare asking you the answer to a problem that bothers my soul. I want to know if God can forgive me of the sin of oral sex, practiced before marriage and if this form of sexual intercourse is permitted in marriage? I had one boyfriend and I have had such relations with him, without getting to the sexual act itself. I’m still a virgin, but only physically, but morally – not. Some time ago I came to God and I repented from my sins, but the burden and the feeling of guilt remained in my soul. I’d give anything to change what I have done, but it’s too late. I do not know how I will manage to have sexual relationship with my future husband who is a true believer, because I feel unworthy of him. The boy who proposed marriage to me doesn’t  know what I had done. Do you think I have to tell him? I am afraid that if I tell him, he will look at me as at a harlot for the rest of the life, he will not forgive me and I will lose him. Please help me and thank you in advance.

You have already changed everything

You say that you give anything to change what you did in the past.It’s not too late.You have already changed everything when you came to Christ with repentance. Glorified be God, that in His love has brought you to Him, forgave all your sins and made you a new creature, if you entered in the New Covenant by faith in the Lord Jesus. You should know that when you entered into this covenant you have been forgiven from all your sins, as the Holy Scripture says:

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)(NASB)

So, you shall not be pressed by the sins you committed in the past, but to forget them as God has forgotten them.

Be aware of consequences

At the same time, you must be aware that unlawful sexual relations that you have maintained until now can leave impresses, affecting your feelings, so that you may not experience all the joy of the intimate relationship with your husband.

Do not hurt your husband

No matter how it is, I don’t find it good to tell your husband about your sexual sins from the past because it could hurt him for the rest of the life.If he is a true Christian who has experienced in his life the power of the forgiveness of God, he will understand that the same power has cleansed you too, has sanctified you and made you a new creature, and so, what happened to you in past will not influence his decision to marry you. However, knowing the details of your sexual experiences from the past will hurt him and I think you do not want to do it.The next verse can be applied to your situation:

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. (Ephesians 4:29)(NASB)

Knowing the details of your past sexual experiences will give neither grace nor edification to your spouse, but rather this would be for him the effect of unwholesome words. So, you do not need to tell him anything.

Understand that you are a new creature in Christ

You have to understand that old things in your life have passed and you are now a new creature Christ.To oppress yourself for the sins of the past after you have been forgiven by God means to know yourself according to the flesh. The Scripture says:

 

Therefore from now on we recognize no one according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him in this way no longer. Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. (2 Corinthians 5:16-17)(NASB)

Because you are a new creature in Christ, lives so.The harlot who lived once, died now and in the same body, which was sanctified, now lives a new creature in Christ.

And if the husband finds out?

And if it happens that your husband will find out about your sins of the past from someone who knows and will want to hurt you, then you should tell your husband that you have not talked about them just as not to hurt him and not to put impresses on your relationship.And you should also tell him that he did not marry with the harlot who lived once, but with the new person in Christ, who you are now.

Translated by Felicia Rotaru