What should parents do when they disagree with the person their child chooses to marry?


My daughter met a boy, but I do not accept him for several reasons. She wants to marry him, but I do not give my blessing and will not participate in anything. Is this a sin?

I do not know what your reason is for not giving the blessing for the girl’s marriage to that boy, but the Bible tells us a very serious reason. In the book of Deuteronomy, chapter 7 reads,

When the LORD your God brings you into the land where you are entering to possess it, and clears away many nations before you, the Hittites and the Girgashites and the Amorites and the Canaanites and the Perizzites and the Hivites and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and stronger than you, and when the LORD your God delivers them before you and you defeat them, then you shall utterly destroy them. You shall make no covenant with them and show no favor to them. Furthermore, you shall not intermarry with them; you shall not give your daughters to their sons, nor shall you take their daughters for your sons. For they will turn your sons away from following Me to serve other gods; then the anger of the LORD will be kindled against you and He will quickly destroy you. (Deuteronomy 7:1-4)

In this text, the reason is very clear why God does not allow marriage between those who follow Him, the Christians, and people of another religion who follow other gods, idols. God does not allow such marriages. In other religions, such as Islam, this is a mission method. Boys are encouraged to marry girls from other religions and thus become Muslims. However, Muslim girls are not allowed to marry boys of other religions. In Christianity, Jesus does not accept a Christian to marry a non-Christian, and vice versa, according to the covenant we entered into.

If this is the reason why you do not accept the choice of the girl, then I understand you, you have a biblical reason. Maybe there is another reason, I do not know, maybe he’s not a serious boy, he does not have a job and will not be able to support his family. I assume you have serious reasons why you do not want your girl to marry that boy. You should talk to your daughter. At the same time, I know many situations where parents have brought some banal, meaningless arguments and forbid their children to marry, bringing arguments that played no role.

I do not know what is the situation in your family, I have presented to you what is a biblical argument. But I want to look at some of the Scripture places to see how some people behaved. You know that Isaac had two sons, Jacob and Esau. The book of Genesis, chapter 26 describes Esau’s marriage:

When Esau was forty years old he married Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite; and they brought grief to Isaac and Rebekah. (Genesis 26:34-35)

These girls were part of the people whom God said they would not marry. You see Esau still married, and the parents had a bit of a bitter grief. But we see that parents did not forbid to stop that marriage. Esau was already mature, and as parents they had nothing to do regarding his decision. In your situation, your daughter is mature already, and you can not treat her like a 5 or 10-year-old child whom you can forbid, and she would obey. This is about a mature person who has reached the age of maturity. You have to deal with a child who is no longer a child. Your mission is to convince her not to marry if you have any serious arguments as to why she should not go into that marriage. Give her these arguments, help her understand, but you can not make her act because it will break your relationship with her. You are her parent, and you must leave a reserve to keep the relationship even if she marries that person.

I would recommend you would study together with your daughter and your future son-in-law an inductive Bible study course “Someday marriage without regrets-teen” where lessons are structured to learn about how a young person can prepare for a marriage without regrets. To get the textbook, contact the number (+373) 67629102.

I would like to open Bible again and look at chapter 14 of the book of Judges which describes the family of Samson.

Then Samson went down to Timnah and saw a woman in Timnah, one of the daughters of the Philistines. So he came back and told his father and mother, “I saw a woman in Timnah, one of the daughters of the Philistines; now therefore, get her for me as a wife.” Then his father and his mother said to him, “Is there no woman among the daughters of your relatives, or among all our people, that you go to take a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?” But Samson said to his father, “Get her for me, for she looks good to me.” ( Judges 14:1-3)

God did not allow marriage to the Philistine people, but Samson insisted to get married with the daughter of the Philistine people, and the parents took her because that is what the son wanted. All I want to advise you now is to talk to the girl, bring up serious arguments as to why she should not marry the boy, but do not break the relationship with the girl, and if she gets married, then with the boy as well. You are looking to keep in touch with them. I realize that situations are different, but as far as possible, try to keep peace with everyone.

I would like to read another text from the epistle of Paul to Ephesians:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the Earth. (Ephesians 6:1-3)

Now I would like to address parents who have small children and think that this subject is irrelevant to them because there is a long time ahead before their children get married. My dear, time passes so fast. This year, one of our children married, and we thanked the Lord for forming a beautiful family. We look with delight at their beautiful relationship as they serve God. But I want to tell you that just yesterday he was a little kid, and I was playing with him; and now he got married. Time passes very fast. I want you to think about now and advise your children about marriage. Teach them from the Word of God to create biblically sound principles for them to make right choices in life. When we do not teach our children and only ban them, then we can not help them make right choices in their lives. We must raise them in reproof and in the teaching of the Lord. If you will teach your children the Holy Scriptures, then they will make right choices when they marry; but if you do not, then they will not be able to do so. You do not want their relationship with you to be reduced to prohibitions. That is why I advise you to teach your children the Holy Scriptures.

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