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Question:
It’s not my case, I am curious to know: What should a virgin girl or a boy do, if her future husband or his future wife is not virgin anymore? Noted that that person had committed fornication before she repented. What to do? Could there exist any problems in this marriage? What are the risks? We should forgive, shouldn’t we? God says to forgive one another as He has forgiven us. Do you agree? I expect the answer. Thank you.
Understand God’s forgiveness
I will begin to answer the question with this biblical passage:
For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf. Therefore from now on we recognize no one according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him in this way no longer. Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. (2 Corinthians 5:14-19)(NASB)
Christ’s love is the one that binds us and this love is possible only when we do not relate according to what one knows about another one according to the flesh, but in the way of Christ. According to the flesh we know the sins we have once committed, but in Christ we know the perfect forgiveness that we have received and through which we have become new people, new creatures. Therefore, we do not remember each other the mistakes and the sins committed against each other. And if someone has not kept his virginity, it is true that he has committed a crime and a sin against the future marriage partner. However, once that person has repented wholeheartedly and was born again by entering the New Covenant with the Lord Jesus Christ, we will not look at that person in terms of what she has done before repentance, but in terms of what is now in Christ – a new creature. The old things passed away. God has entrusted to us the preaching of this perfect reconciliation in Christ, according to which, He no longer takes into account their sins. If you understand and have experienced God’s forgiveness you have received in Christ Jesus, you will be ready to give to others this forgiveness, without counting the sins made before repentance.
Make sure the person who wants to marry you is truly a new creation
Not all who claim to be God’s children are so and there are some who come to church, get involved even in the gospel ministry, but have not experienced a new birth and thus, have not become new creatures in Christ. Some live a double life and secretly commit sins that later are revealed. Recently I met a young woman’s parents from whom I learned that their daughter had married a boy from church who at first seemed to be a good boy, but something was suspect, though they thought it was only lack of Christian maturity that would be recovered with time. There wasn’t so … After marriage, when they went on honeymoon, he took a cigarette to smoke. His young wife was in shock of seeing, and he said he had always smoked and did not think it was a sin, etc. Then, he began to get drunk and finally went with another woman leaving his wife and their child that had been recently born. Then to justify his deed, he threw false and unfounded accusations as that child was not from him and other aberrations of this kind. Here’s how such a marriage ended up.
Marriage with a person who has become a new creature will make you happy
Anyone who has read the Old Testament book of Joshua, knows the history of Rahab. She was a prostitute of Jericho and lived in the paganism of her people. But when she learned about the true God, wholeheartedly believed and sought deliverance to Him by faith and she risked her life when she hid the two spies sent by Joshua to explore the country. In the book of Joshua, chapter 6, we learn that at the conquest of the city only Rahab and her father’s family were spared. Even more, she was allowed to live in Israel. The Bible presents us some other important moments about her life among the people of Israel. At the beginning of the Gospel of Matthew we are given the genealogy of the Lord Jesus, that says:
Salmon was the father of Boaz by Rahab, Boaz was the father of Obed by Ruth, and Obed the father of Jesse. (Matthew 1:5)(NASB)
This Rahab is the same person of the Old Testament. From this verse we learn that once she truly believed in God and became part of Israel, she lived a new life as a new creation. She was taken in marriage by Salmon, the father of Boaz and she became one of the few women whose name is listed in the genealogy of the Christ.
If you have received perfect forgiveness in Christ Jesus and you became a new creature, you will not know other children of God according to the flesh, but in the way of Christ, no longer holding on account of their sins they had committed when they had been without Christ. But you will act wisely entering marriage only with the person that you strongly know that s/he is a new creation in Christ.
Translated by Felicia Rotaru