How to rebuild your life, being despised in marriage?


I have been married for 20 years, and I have 9 children. My husband is very distant; he has also departed from God and we don’t talk any longer. I would like to talk to him because it’s hard for me. I do not want kids anymore because nobody helps me to work. He says I do not have that much work, and I should not complain. So I can not live like this physically and mentally. For 20 years, I have hoped for a change. I want to rebuild my life with someone who cares about me. I’m tired of waiting for a change. In fact, he changes in a negative aspect as days pass. Life is gone,and I am the slave of a heartless man. I’m really disoriented. Thank you very much.

Dear sister, I’m sorry to hear that it seems to your husband  that you do not have work since you’ve raised 9 children. His way of speaking shows that he is one who has little interest in his wife and family and has no relationship with God. Whenever a man does not do his part to have a beautiful relationship with his wife, it highlights the fact that he has no relationship with God either. Here’s what the Scripture says to do in this situation:

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. (1 Peter 3:1-6) (NASB)

Your husband is one who is disobedient to the Word of God, and what you can do for him is to win him without a word by your chaste. I want to draw your attention here that all the other things that are required of a wife in the passage quoted above will have to do with the purpose of winning her husband without word, through her respectful behavior. I pray that God will help you adorn with this gentle and quiet spirit and not give up in this situation. May God give you wisdom how to speak to him.

In our world and in these days, it is no longer popular to suffer, but patience is an important Christian virtue. May the Lord help you to be armed with patience until this situation is right, or even if nothing changes, to live patiently a Christian life until you leave this world.

Do not accept the thought of divorce and remarriage with another man, for this thought does not come from God, but from Satan. God teaches us in the Bible to make every effort to keep our marriage and so did our Lord Jesus Christ:

Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said,‘For this reason a  man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 19: 3-9) (NASB)

The disciples understood very well what Jesus said and the fact that you can not break a marriage when you want and for whatever reason. Here’s why:

The disciples said to Him, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.” But He said to them, “Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.” (Matthew 19: 10-12) (NASB)

Why do you say you want to rebuild your life? If you have been faithful to Lord and husband until today, you have lived happily. Divorce will destroy your life, and you must be afraid of it. Our happiness is not on the earth, but in heaven. Live happily on this earth to inherit eternal happiness.

Concentrate on teaching the children the Word of God and making sure that you put a good foundation for eternal life. We can assume that the life of Eunice, Timothy’s mother, was not easy, for her husband was Greek, that is, pagan. However, Eunice has taught Timothy  since childhood from the Holy Scriptures and showed him a very beautiful example of faith. I pray that God will help you to teach your children the Bible so that you can show them a beautiful example of faith that they will want to follow, especially now that their father has failed to do so .

I ask God to help you overcome this state of soul pressure that you have and always take your direction from God to be victorious in the spiritual struggle that you have. I ask God to give you the joy of seeing your husband returned with all his heart to God.

Translated by Didina Cravcenco