How to proceed when the husband does not materially support the family?

Question:

Pastor Vasile Filat, I am in a hard situation, I can say difficult. I am married and have two children. My husband at first seemed kind and caring to us, but he hasn’t taken much care of his family for a while. He lies to me about a lot of things and he’s kind of indifferent to what’s happening to us. Although he keeps insisting that he loves us and we are his precious ones. The problem is that he doesn’t have a job, he earns a little something from I don’t know what kind of combinations. My attempts to talk to him about work only lead to quarrels between us. I now have to stop working, because I have a small child (in the summer I will return to work). I know that a person who wants to be a good Christian must be patient, even if those close to him upset him. I’ve tried not to get angry, but for a while now I can’t resist, it seems to me that my soul will explode. And in anger (when no one is near me), I call him ugly names, I speak ill of him. And even if no one hears me, I know it’s not good to do that. I don’t know how to talk to him anymore. I pray to God to soften him, but there aren’t many results. Maybe some people will never change? Although I know that for God everything is possible. I believe that now we and our children live only by the mercy of the Lord, He never left us in difficult situations. Mr. Vasile, do you, as pastor, please give me some advice on how I should speak or proceed? Many times I’m really sorry that I married him, but I know it’s not good to think about marriage. I pray to the Lord to forgive my mistakes and guide me in a better way.

I’m sorry you’re in this situation now. I advise you to do the following:

1. Don’t get angry

As you have already written in the message and understood, anger will not help you at all, on the contrary, it only spoils the situation and aggravates the problem you have in your family. In the book of Proverbs of Solomon it is written:

A hot-tempered person stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute. (Proverbs 15:18)( NASB)

So stop being angry and…

2. Don’t argue

Avoid quarrels with your husband and do not have a conversation with him so that it ends with an argument. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t to talk to him.

3. Make a plan and talk to your husband

Think carefully about how to say each word. I especially advise you to start the discussion with appreciation for him and to tell him how good it was when you got married and he took care of his job. Let him tell you why this situation was created, what the causes are, how he sees them and what you can do for him to help him in this situation.

4. Pray and fast

If possible, arrange with your husband to pray and fast for this situation and be patient until God gives him a proper job.

5. If the husband receives nothing and indulges in his condition…

Then you will also have to turn to your pastor or priest. You need to invite him to visit your family, share this situation with him and see how he can advise you.

May God bless you and help you get through this crisis and give a good job to your husband, so that he will be able to support you because the Word of God says:

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:8 )(NASB)

Translated by Didina Vicliuc