How to fulfill your duty as a wife if your husband tells you that you are ugly?

Question:

I am not a beautiful woman and my husband has been continually telling me this for 15 years of marriage. The last “compliment”, which made me write here, was said not long ago and was again about my face. I noticed that when I disagree with his opinion, the best weapon to win the debate is to offend me with a word on my face. After such “compliments”, any woman would be upset and would always underestimate herself, and this is happening to me. Let me tell you right, I do not even have the courage to do my duty as a wife. By the way, I am a Christian and my husband is not (or not yet, because I do not know God’s plan). And because I do not dare and I do not really have any desire (after the “compliments” I receive) to do my duty as a wife, this is my fault, too (according to my husband’s opinion). He complains that I do not have sexual relations with him, but he never approaches me. How to fulfill the Word of God when I know that I am not loved or even desired? How to proceed? I do not know. And when I see even less beautiful women around me, but with loving spouses near them, I just do not know what to think … Oh, Lord, have mercy on me!

The problem will not resolve itself. As you took action and addressed the question, so you should take action and communicate your husband the problem, but in such a way that he would receive it and not rush with new charges. I suggest you do so. Tell your husband in the morning that in the evening you have to communicate him something very important and ask him to come at a certain time. Arrange so that children are not in this discussion. Prepare a special meal just for your husband. Do everything possible to be beautiful, to dress nicely and give him this food. Do not rush to tell him the problem, but tell him about the beautiful moments that you have lived together, about the best moments when you have seen and felt his expression of love. Then thank him that he is the head of the family and that he takes care of all of you. All these will open his heart to hear what you want to communicate him without blaming you again. At the right time, tell him how much you value his intimacy, his caress and especially his beautiful words. Tell him that the discouraging words about your face make you sad for several days and it prevents you to give him love as you have done before. To see how to communicate something important to your husband, look at Esther’s example in chapters 5-7 of the book of Esther.

I invite you to read the article “What to do when the husband no longer wants to make love to you? (10 tips)”.

Translated by Felicia Rotaru