How to convince your Christian sister not to marry an unbeliever?


My sister is 22 years, she serves in church but dates a nonbeliever. He seems to be a good boy, he doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke and is an exemplary young man according to this world’s criteria. Discussing with my sister, I realized that she understood that it was better to date a Christian guy, but the problem was that she did not know where to find such a boy? Now this problem exists in many churches where there are more girls, but there are few boys. Some girls marry to unbelievers, but I do not want to be so with her. I have talked with her and it seems she understands everything, but then she says: “But how long shall I wait to get married and where to find a Christian guy?” I fear that this boy will propose marriage to her and she will accept. How to convince my sister not to do this step?

Dating is not good

It is sad that your sister has accepted to date, because this is not biblical and I have earlier written that in the articles Dating and successful marriage (part 1 and part 2).

Learn from others’ experience

It’s good for your sister to look at the way how the women who have chosen to marry unbelievers lived their marriage.

Two days ago I talked to a lady. When she was still a teenager she chose to enter the covenant with the Lord Jesus, but two years ago she met an unbeliever, and agreed to marry him. When I heard this, I went and I told her that she broke the covenant and the consequences will come very quickly in her life, as Scripture says. She told me then that she would be happy, because her groom was a good man. I told her that through her marriage with him she would make him unhappy, because the consequences of breaking the covenant will affect their whole family. Now, after two years, she came and repented choosing to be faithful to God from that moment on. She told me that, as Scripture says, since they had entered their marriage until that moment weakness reigned in their family and all they had tried to do didn’t work. Moreover, she even came to the second step the Scripture says about, and she was seriously ill after the birth of the child. When we kneed that she might ask forgiveness from God, she wept a lot for the wrong choice that she made two years ago. We pray now for the repentance of her husband, but that she chose to marry, being a Christian, was a bad example and a great hindrance in the way of his repentance.

Study God’s Word

The fact that there are more girls who have chosen to marry unbelievers shows that something has not been communicated to the latter in the church, or not communicated sufficiently. I urge pastors of this church to preach a course of sermons where to address more and deeper this problem, until they will be sure that girls understand how serious is the choice to marry unbelievers.

I also want to suggest you to do with the whole church the Bible study “Marriage without regrets”, that will give much light to this and other aspects of the marriage life and thus both girls and boys will be protected from wrong choices. If you have not yet studied this course, we suggest you do this so as soon as possible.

The church must apply discipline

Women who chose to marry unbelievers should be sent out of the church, as the Scripture says, because they broke the holy covenant they concluded with the Lord Jesus. I assume that this discipline is applied in your church, but if it is not, it must be insisted on applying it, so that all other girls will see and be afraid to make such a bad choice. 

Do not stop talking to your sister

Even if your sister does not want to listen now, do not stop talking to her. As she hasn’t yet made this choice do not stop talking to her. If she doesn’t want to listen, you can arrange somehow that she may see and hear the testimony of women who have made that choice and now bear the consequences.

On this portal there have been published several articles on this subject. Maybe you look for them and print all of them to give them to your sister to read, so that she may realize how serious the consequences of this choice will be.

Translated by Felicia Rotaru