How to control your sexual desires when you’re separated from your wife for a long time?


These days I read the articles about masturbation on your site again. I confess that I was the slave of this shameful sin for some time but I was healed with the help of the Almighty God, to whom I thank from the heart. My question is what advice would you give someone like me who spends most of the time (more than half a year) away from the wife and meets with her about every two months. How to master / satisfy the sexual desires? In an environment like the one where I live I do not often think about it, but my body feels the need, even if only from time to time … I rarely had nocturnal pollutions. How can I consider them, as a help from God, since they release my sexual tension or as my sin? Thank you in advance and God bless you!

Only one way – self-control

God permits to fulfill one’s sexual desires only in marriage and if you are away from your wife (or husband, if you are a woman) you can’t even think about satisfying your sexual desires apart from your spouse. They must be controlled and the Word of God teaches us this:

For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)(NASB)

It is important for every Christian to know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor. In this verse there are already given some practical pieces of advice. Here they are:

Abstain from sexual immorality

Sexual immorality does not begin with the act itself. There are some preceding things and the Christian should have discernment to beware of any thing, person or circumstance that may give birth to a temptation that will lead to sexual immorality. It is much easier to stop sin when it is just at the beginning.

Do not stimulate your lustful passions

It is said about Gentiles, i.e. the pagans who do not know God (or who are Christians in name only but live as pagans)that they live in lustful passions. Women (and sometimes men) dress up “sexy” just to stimulate the sexual desires of others around them. While having discussions, they make jokes and say some things that lead their minds to sex, they watch films and pornographic websites, read porn magazines and do many other things, which stimulate their own and others sexual desires. A Christian will seek to avoid as much as possible things that stimulate his/her sexual appetite, just because s/he wants to keep his/her vessel in sanctification and honor.

Concerning nocturnal pollutions

It is true that this is the physiological way how the body is released of the accumulated sperm. It is written about nocturnal pollutions only in this passage in the Scripture:

Now if a man has a seminal emission, he shall bathe all his body in water and be unclean until evening.  As for any garment or any leather on which there is seminal emission, it shall be washed with water and be unclean until evening. If a man lies with a woman so that there is a seminal emission, they shall both bathe in water and be unclean until evening. (Leviticus 15:16-18)(NASB)

I think this law falls unto those “various washings” which are written in the Epistle to Hebrews:

The Holy Spirit is signifying this, that the way into the holy place has not yet been disclosed while the outer tabernacle is still standing, which is a symbol for the present time. Accordingly both gifts and sacrifices are offered which cannot make the worshiper perfect in conscience, since they relate only to food and drink and various washings, regulations for the body imposed until a time of reformation. But when Christ appeared as a high priest of the good thingsto come, He entered through the greater and more perfect tabernacle, not made with hands, that is to say, not of this creation; and not through the blood of goats and calves, but through His own blood, He entered the holy place once for all, having obtained eternal redemption. (Hebrews 9:8-12)(NASB)

However, there is still a matter about nocturnal pollutions. They are almost always accompanied by erotic dreams that are the reflection of thoughts during the day. May it not be somehow that nocturnal pollutions are the result of the stimulation of lustful passions during the day. If a man comes to committing adultery in his erotic dreams, he has serious reasons to feel sinful and repent of his sin because the Lord Jesus said:

But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matthew 5:28)(NASB)

God help you come back home as soon as possible and be always together with your wife, or, if you still go to work somewhere else, to be able to take your wife and children with you there.

Translated by Felicia Rotaru