After I had published the article Dating and successful marriage on this site and in the newspaper “Ziarul Liber”, I received some thanks messages, but some boys wrote me angrily and murmured against the girls who were dating them until now, but after reading this article, they refused to date anymore. Others asked me how to act, because they have a strong feeling for the girls they love and the act of being refused to date makes them feel rejected and brings suffering to them. In this article I want to answer to these questions and to give advice to the boys who have been rejected by their girlfriend in regarding to dating.
1.Congratulations! You have found a person with a righteous character
Since you have received such an answer from the girl you love, I don’t have anything else to do than to congratulate you that you have found a person who has values and who knows what she wants in life. There are few persons like these nowadays. As she can today say “no” to datings, she will be able to say in future “no” to divorce, abortion, or, when you will marry her, if unfortunately happens to you to lie ill in bed, or if any other misfortune comes, this girl or woman will be able to say “no” to whomever gives her advice to leave you and find another partner, to live her life, etc. If any other man tries to seduce her, this woman will know well how to say “No”, because she is not controlled by emotions or feelings, on the contrary, she knows how to control and stop them. In a word, this is a girl or a woman with a mature character who can be proposed marriage to.
2.Refusing to date is not a rejection of your person
The fact that the girl who loves you took this decision after reading this article, doesn’t mean a rejection of your person or a cooling of the feelings she has for you. On the contrary, because she appreciates your feelings, the relationship with you and because she wants from this little seed to grow a beautiful and strong tree of love, that’s why she refuses to date. I am absolutely sure that it is so hard for her too, because she loves you, she would like to spend more time together with you, but as I have written in the article “Dating and successfull mariage”, the fact that you will spend time together, will lead only to the ruining of this relation.
3.Refusing to date is a test of your character
The Bible says about the woman that she is “a more fragile vase” compared to the man. From the letters I have received unitl now, I saw that girls are those who asked to break up. All of us know that girls and women appreciate more the relationships that the men do and when she asked you to break up, don’t think that it was easy to that girl, if she really loves you. The strength of her character is manifested through the fact that she is led by reality, common sense and wisdom, and not by feelings that, be sure, provoke her to go and date and stay day and night with you. If she, being a girl, and how the Bible says,” a fragile vase” can say no to the tempation of dating, than you need to have more wisdom and strength of character. Show abstinence and moderation and develop these qualities that are absolutely necesarry to be a good husband and father in future.
4.Refusing to date is a proof of a longing for a true love
My statement may seem contradictory, but it is true. If you really love that girl, you will do your utmost to prepare to build up a family and then to propose marriage to her. If the girl doesn’t accept to date you and you will find another person who will accept to date, isn’t this a proof that you have never really loved her? He who really loves is capable to wait much, much, very much time and God says in the Bible that “The hope of the righteous is gladness, but the expectation of the wicked perishes.”(Proverbs 10:28)(NASB)
5.Use your time to prepare to found a family
If you love that girl and want to propose marriage to her, use your time to develop the ability of maintaining a family. Every man must have a certain ability to support and this is our responsability, men’s, to support and to protect. Unfortunately, if you look around, there are so few men who look seriously at their responsability. This ability to maintain a family is bound to that of working, gaining, etc. As every ability, that of supporting others can be developed. If you really love the girl that doesn’t want to stay and date you, then you will make your effort to increase your masculine power to support and protect her. You will go to learn a profession, you will look for a job, you will learn to work hardly so that you will contribute to your family’s material need now, and you will not accept to be supported by your parents. If you propose marriage to the girl that doesn’t accept to spend time on dates and if she accepts to enter in the covenant of marriage with you, will you be able to support and protect her? What is your ability now? Can you afford your own material needs? If no, then thank the girl that she doesn’t accept to date you and go to learn a profession, find a job and do your best to develop your masculine power to protect and maintain.
6.God will keep and bring you a future wife
If you really love a girl and she refuses to spend time with you on dates, I suppose that you worry that another man may come and propose marriage to her before you do this. If you think so, then do your best to prepare quicklier for marriage, meaning to maintain and protect your wife and children. Nevertheless, if another man comes and proposes marriage to her and she accepts, you will realize that you wasn’t her sweetheart. If she loved you with a love that is necesarry to enter the covenant of marriage, she wouldn’t accept the proposal of another man. You don’t have to be sorry, because you wouldn’t have had a fulfilled joy, if you entered in marriage that way. Don’t worry, do well and put your trust in God, who said: “House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.”(Proverbs 19:14)(NASB)
7.Learn moderation and abstinence
All can go and spend time on dates, but only those who control themselves can abstain from them, those who can control their emotions and feelings. These are trustworthy men and you can lean on them, you can live your life with such people. Those who do not want to control their feelings, saying that “you can not rule over your heart”, will bring the same excuse later, when, being married, one day will be dragged by the beauty or seduction of another woman. They can not act other way because they haven’t learnt “to rule over their heart” by moderation and abstinence. Abstinence and moderation becomes a part of character when you receive the Holy Spirit. The Holy Scriptures says: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22)(NASB)
Receive the Lord Jesus in your heart and in this way you will receive the Holy Spirit, so that you will be able to have and exercise moderation and abstinence. Don’t go on dates, but use your time to develop your masculine power to maintain and protect. But if you are able to maintain and protect the wife and the children and God gave you love for the girl you want to be your wife, you can go now and propose marriage to her. May God give you victory!
Translated by Djugostran Felicia