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Question:
Recently I was in some extremely big debts and I was praying for God to get me out of them and, while praying, I was thinking about what I could give up only for God to save me. I started listing several things dear to me, but I still couldn’t decide and I didn’t want to give them up. Among them, I said that my first baby should not be born, this is similar to the fact that I give my consent to his death. Like all previous things, I immediately changed my mind and could not understand how this thought could come to me. I was very troubled by this and prayed fervently that the Lord would forgive me, yet I have no peace. I wonder if God will punish me for this, because it is said to pay attention to what we want, because God hears. Someone showed me the passage Numbers 30:10-15, do you think it’s real? That’s what I’m afraid to tell my husband, especially since he loves babies a lot and is against abortion in any form. On the other hand, do you think that God will be able to forgive me and not punish me, as it is written?
Dear sister, I am sorry for the thought that came up to you and for the situation you have, but do not think that you are the only one to whom the evil one tries to give evil thoughts of death. The passage in Numbers 30:10-15 has nothing to do with the situation you described to me, because this text speaks of an oath made by a woman without the knowledge of her husband and not of a thought which came up in her head and which she is sorry about.
Do not maintain the thought that came to you and which you are sure is against God, and you don’t have to live with this feeling of guilt that you have. Here is what God tells us about the thoughts that come into our minds:
For though we walk in the flesh, we do not wage battle according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying arguments and all arrogance raised against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:3–5 NASB)
Your mind, like the mind of any human being, raises up thoughts, and the mind is a battleground that we must be careful about. If the idea of aborting your baby came to mind, it means that you have not guarded your mind somewhere that you must be careful about. But now you no longer have to continue and maintain this thought all day, which will thus become a point of arrogance and a stronghold of the enemy in your mind. No longer sustain that thought, but take captive that thought to the obedience of Christ. The fact that you have given up this thought is just proof that you have chosen to take it captive to the obedience to Christ and you have done well. Thank the Lord for this victory, and stop feeling guilty, but rather be careful that Satan does not raise in your mind either this thought or another that is against the knowledge of God. You must decide to have a filter for your thoughts, as it is written in the Epistle to the Philippians:
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philipians 4:8 NASB)
The knowledge of God will protect your mind from all evil thoughts and thwart Satan’s plans to conquer your mind and raise evil thoughts like the one about abortion that he managed to raise. Even the guilt you have now is also an evil thought of his. Study the Scriptures daily and deeply to have a free and strong mind in this spiritual struggle. By the way, I recommend you to take the course “Lord, is it warfare? Teach me to stand” by Kay Arthur, because this course will help you enormously in the situation and the warfare you are going through.
Translated by Liza Bîrlădeanu