I was dating a boy for a year and a half. I love him with all my being and I felt that he loved me too. I gave myself to him believing he deserves it and that it was true when he said that he would never let me go from him. Immediately afterwards he “packed me off” saying he got what he wanted and he took his vengeance, because he had lost the summer with me… Now my soul is torn to pieces. I thought this would make me hate him, but I still love him and want to be with him…, I believe in him, although something tells me that I only deceive myself and I will never make it up with him. He knows that I love him and he still deceives me: now he says he loves me and that he is sorry and later he tells me that he does not care at all for me. What advice do you give?
Sad … very sad … I would have liked to receive this message from you before you had taken the decision to sleep with him, before you had been lured into sexual immorality. Then I would have advised you how to protect yourself and keep your purity, so that you might put the foundation for a happy marriage. But, now it is not everything lost, only if you will want to listen from your heart the advice that I will give you based on the teaching of the Word of God.
1. Stop being naive
Your message shows me clearly that you are not an easy girl and I understand that you love this boy and want to have a beautiful marriage based on love. But it is not so with him. He behaves mischievously and treats you as an object, like a toy to make sex. Moreover, he himself told you this when he said that he had lost his summer with you. That means that the whole summer he laid you traps until he finally managed to have his toy on his bed. Do you want to be a toy? I do not think so. Therefore, cease to be naive and stop having misleading hopes. This boy behaved and still behaves like a villain that does not care of your love and you. If he marries you, he will do it only for sex and then you’ll be treated like a cheap prostitute that should not be paid, moreover, she washes and cooks for him. Do you want this? Do not mind that I use strong words, but I want you to come to your senses and understand what is happening and in what trap you have been caught.
2. Learn about the true love
From what you have written, I see that you do not know what the true love is. I advise you to look quickly for the Bible study course “Marriage without regrets” and to study carefully lessons 7 and 8, which will help you form a biblical perspective about true love. True love is smart and it is not enslaved by emotions, as it is now with you. True love seeks the ultimate good of the one whom she loves, as God has done:
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. (John 3:16)(NASB)
See, because he loves you, God gave you what He had the most expensive, His only begotten Son, so that you may have forgiveness of your sins and inherit eternal life. But what did this guy who says he loves you do? He fooled you, and stole what you have the most expensive, your virginity, your chastity. Does he really care about the shame and pain that you will have the first night of your marriage when you tell your husband that someone has taken his gift? Does he care of the shame that you will have all your life? Does he care of the fact that by this act he has defiled your marriage bed, that intimate relationship with your spouse? He does not care … If he cared, he would not have done the crime he had committed.
3. Break every relation of sin
I recommend you to read the article Seven advice for girls who want deliverance from the sin of immorality and a happy marriage and to follow all those tips.
God have mercy on you and also give repentance to the boy who has hurt you so much.
Translated by Felicia Rotaru