About monachism and marriage

Question:

The girlfriend of my brother went and spent a month at the monastery. She was upset and said she went into a nunnery. I don’t condemn her, but I think it’s not okay for someone to do this on offense, even if you think that you have wanted this since you were little. Now she came home and my brother asked her to marry her, that is what she herself has wanted before, but my brother was not ready. But she came from the monastery really changed. She doesn’t want to have her hair cut, doesn’t want to renounce black clothes, black head-kerchief and skirt. She doesn’t want to dance and does not want to be anything like she was before. She wants to get married but continue to live as at the monastery. What do you think? These are some ideas that will pass or my brother should better leave her alone. I ask because I want to know how to advise him not to suffer so. What is better?

The reason of service matters

The New Testament does not mention monastic practice, but if anger was the reason for this girl to go to the monastery, it is not good and is not a reason that pleases God.He does not want someone to serve Him because he is angry with people, but because he/she loves God.Moreover, when He was asked by a teacher of the Law what the greatest commandment is, the Lord Jesus replied:

 

And He said to him, ” ‘YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:37-40)(NASB)

The fact that she was only one month at the monastery and then she came back, it seems to me that it brings out a very uncertain state of mind, or maybe this girl is looking for spiritual things and she does not know yet what to choose.

The reasons have to be investigated

That fact that the girl does not want to have her hair cut, or wears just black clothes suppose certain reasons.It is important for your brother to know those reasons and to investigate.Then, if he is ready to accept this girl as she is and to marry her, this will be his choice. It will not be good if he marries her thinking that he will change her later. It is not good for any person to enter into marriage with this thought concerning the future life partner.You must marry the person you love as he/she is.

The girl should understand her duties

I do not know texts from the Holy Scriptures that would motivate this girl not to have her hair cut, or to wear only black clothes. At the same time I can not say too much because I have not talked to her to find out the reasons why she does so.She, however, must understand that since she enters in marriage, she must take the responsibility to perform her duties of wife and mother.

How shall you advise your brother?

It would be the best to ask him questions that would help him look at the real situation and at this relationship, but not decide for him.The fact that he suffers now because of this girl’s behavior shows that he is not happy and doesn’t accept her so. The fact is that you can not be happy in marriage with a person that you do no accept her as she is.

Translated by Felicia Rotaru