Why is it sin to have sex outside of marriage?


Why is sin to have sex with several women before marriage, though both they and I want it, without taking any responsibilities? God wants us happy, doesn’t He? And that makes both me and them happy. And when I marry, I will love only my wife and she will love just me, without betraying each other, in this way no one bothers anyone, and all are happy and fulfilled.

It is a great deception and serious danger to think so, but unfortunately, there are many people of different ages who think so today. Just the other day, as an International Taekwon-Do instructor I was invited to lead a training in a martial arts club. At the end of the training I spoke with the sportsmen about sports and faith in Jesus Christ and we even studied what the Bible said about sports. When we studied the passage that said that the athlete had to control himself, the disciples in that room agreed with me that an athlete must refrain from smoking and alcohol, but when I told them they also had to control their body and not have sexual relations outside of marriage, they looked at me in amazement, as if they were told something new and strange. This adulterous age world we live in imposes on people such a way of thinking, but let us see what God’s Word says. So why is it a sin to have sex outside of marriage?

Because God created sex for man and woman in marriage

The first two chapters of the Bible tell us about the creation of the world and man. Towards the end of chapter two, it is written:

So the LORD God caused adeep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The LORD Godfashioned into a womanthe rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be calledWoman, becauseshe was taken out ofMan.” For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:21-25)(NASB)

God created man and woman sexual beings with sexual desires and He determined that these desires must be directed only to the spouse and only within marriage. Note, God said: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh.” It is also important to note that through sexual relationship the two become one body and, as described in other passages in the Bible, who joins himself to a prostitute, which means he has sex with a prostitute (any relationship outside of marriage is fornication) is one body with her. Sexual relation has many emotional and physiological implications, that will seriously affect man for all his life if they are outside of wedlock.

Because God categorically forbids sexual relations outside of marriage

God is the creator of this universe, of man and woman, of sexuality, and as He established physical laws, He also established spiritual laws that must be respected. If you throw a stone upward and ask yourself “Why should I step aside?” the answer is very simple – because otherwise, if you do not step aside, the stone will fall and hit your head.  It is a physical law of gravity established by God that must be respected, because it will serve for our good and not for evil. It is the same about sexuality. God established spiritual laws for human sexuality and if those laws are broken, the consequences will not be late. The Bible is full of commandments on human sexual behavior and according to these laws, all sexual relations outside of marriage are prohibited. One of the 10 commandments says:

You shall not commit adultery. (Exodus 20:14)

Because sexual relations are immoral and affect the descendants and the whole nation

In chapter 18 and 20 of the book of Leviticus there are written all sexual relations that are forbidden and then, finally, this important conclusion is drawn:

Do not defile yourselves by any of these things; for by all these the nations which I am casting out before you have become defiled. For the land has become defiled, therefore I have brought its punishment upon it, so the land has spewed out its inhabitants. But as for you, you are to keep My statutes and My judgments and shall not do any of these abominations, neither the native, nor the alien who sojourns among you (for the men of the land who have been before you have done all these abominations, and the land has become defiled); so that the land will not spew you out, should you defile it, as it has spewed out the nation which has been before you. For whoever does any of these abominations, those persons who do so shall be cut off from among their people. Thus you are to keep My charge, that you do not practice any of the abominable customs which have been practiced before you, so as not to defile yourselves with them;I am the LORD your God.’ (Leviticus 18:24-30)(NASB)

It is sad that people see the immorality of others and do not confront it any way until one day they are affected by it or it affects their family and brings great sorrow to all. People who are indifferent to immorality are like one who was on an airplane in flight and though the plane was falling to the ground, he was sitting quietly, as if nothing happened. All people on the plane were in panic, crying, praying how they knew, but our man was sitting quietly until the neighbor asked him:
– Why are you so calm while the plane crashes?
– Is it your plane?
– No, the neighbor said.
– Then, why are you so worried as if it is yours?

It is the same with those who are indifferent to immorality around and do not confront it, do not understand this basic truth that this immorality will affect them someday.

Because sexual relations outside of marriage defile you and dishonor marriage

God says:

Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13:4)(NASB)

Fornication is any sexual relationship between persons who are not part of a covenant marriage. If at least one of the persons involved in a sexual relationship is part of another covenant of marriage, this relationship is already called adultery. God says that in the same way He will judge both fornicators and adulterers. So, any sexual relationship before marriage will dishonor your marriage and will defile your marriage bed, i.e. your sexual relationship. Now,  think by yourself, is it right to destroy and defile the sexual relationship with your future wife and to lack her for the rest of her life from the joy intended by God for this relationship? Disease, impotence and other bad things will be a consequence of the fornication and adultery of one of the spouses and will affect the other one, too, because they form one body in marriage. Because of the immoralities of one partner, sex will become a torture for both of you. Therefore, not only men should marry only virgins, but girls should get married only to men who kept themselves pure until marriage and know how to refrain their body.

Do not deceive yourself thinking that sexual relations before marriage make you happy… No way. They make unhappy you, the girl with whom you have sex now, your future wife, her future husband, etc. And your children will also suffer from it. But what will parents say if they find out? You will only bring pain to you and others.

Regarding responsibility

You say that you do not see anything wrong to have sexual relations that do not require any responsibility. It is lack of responsibility towards your future wife or husband, to your children, to your own soul to accept sexual relations outside of marriage.

In this regard I also want to recommend you chapter 5 of the Book of Proverbs, and take heed to the consequences:

My son, give attention to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding; that you may observe discretion and your lips may reserve knowledge. For the lips of an adulteress drip honey and smoother than oil is her speech; but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, her steps take hold of Sheol. She does not ponder the path of life; her ways are unstable, she does not know it. Now then, my sons, listen to me and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way far from her and do not go near the door of her house, or you will give your vigor to others and your years to the cruel one; and strangers will be filled with your strength and your hard-earned goods will go to the house of an alien; and you groan at your final end, when your flesh and your body are consumed; and you say, “How I have hated instruction! And my heart spurned reproof! I have not listened to the voice of my teachers, nor inclined my ear to my instructors! I was almost in utter ruin in the midst of the assembly and congregation.” Drink water from your own cistern and fresh water from your own well. Should your springs be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be yours alone and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a lovinghind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; beexhilarated always with her love. For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with anadulteress and embrace the bosom of aforeigner? For theways of a man are before the eyes of the LORD, and Hewatches all his paths. Hisown iniquities will capture the wicked, and he will be held with the cords of his sin. He willdie for lack of instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he will go astray.(Proverbs 5:1-23)(NASB)

It will be very useful to find and to study the course “The truth about sex” by Kay Arthur. It is an exceptional course which addresses the topic of sexuality in the Bible. The same author wrote the course “Marriage without regrets” that includes a whole chapter dedicated to sexual relations between husband and wife. And the third course, written by the same author is “What does the Bible say about sexuality?”. This is a course consisting of six lessons that can be studied in small groups or school classes. Each lesson takes 40 minutes to be studied in a group.

God keep us from all evil and help us to live with purity and holiness in the end times.

Translated by Felicia Rotaru