I have had a perplexity and it has caused me a deep depression for more than a year. What to do when you have had friends for a long time … and when they were in trouble you were close to them, but when I got into troubles, they deliberately turn their back upon me and laugh that I have asked for their help. Then, maybe they apologize that they do so, their “beautiful” behavior lasts 3-4 days and then they begin it again. Do not understand me wrong: I am not sorry that I have helped them. Moreover, they were doing better or worse without me. I do not understand why they do not behave with me as I behave with them? When you ask for forgiveness a thousand times and forgive you think “who is forgiven much that one loves more” but it seems that the one who asks forgiveness thinks: “You can tell anything to this dude, turn your back upon her, sneer at her … because she will forgive you”. Is there a connection with the verse in proverbs that says about pearls thrown before whom should not? Over all, in my suffering, sometimes I feel like boasting myself how pious I am since I forgive so much and I am worried because I know that it is not good. I worry because of that situation because I rotate in a vicious circle and I can not get out so that I would be able to focus and to take care of my daily important responsibilities. How to find balance? When I mention in the beginning ”friends” I consider as friends both pals, and also the relationship of friendship between a boy and a girl. Help me please with an advice.
A fact recognized by all
When people forget the done good and despise the benefactors is a reality that anyone realizes during life, because anyone experiences it from others. It is sad that we see when others do wrong to us, but we do not see when we do so to our benefactors. Maybe, with this opportunity, you would better ask yourself if you have ever done so with your benefactors, remaining far and indifferent when they were going through troubles and sufferings?
Do not stop doing good
God, who is the benefactor of all people and through whom all of us have life experiences much contempt from people. And He has authority and power to destroy immediately those who are scoffers, but He continues to do good. Therefore, the Lord Jesus teaches us in the Holy Scripture thus:
But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (Matthew 5:44-48)(NASB)
When we remain to be good and do good in kindness, we, Christians, reflect the character of God, full of goodness.
Do not put your trust in scoffers
If those whom you call friends are used to betray you, to despise you, to be sorry and do so again, it is clear that you can not rely on such people. I do not think you should insist on building or maintaining these friendships because true friends are behaving differently.Make friends who act as the Holy Scripture says, namely:
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17)(NASB)
Confront those who sin
It is true that we must forgive without limit, but to forgive does not mean not to confront the one who sins.Lord Jesus said the following:
If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. (Matthew 18:15-17)(NASB)
If someone asks forgiveness and receives it, but then despises the mercy, we can say that he behaves as the swines mentioned by the Lord Jesus who trampled sacred things.In such cases, the Bible says not to throw pearls before swines, because they trampled them and then turn back and tear you. To forgive, but then to act wisely and to no longer give holy things to be trampled.Maybe you should not have illusions about the friendship with such people. They are not friends, because friends do not act so.
How to find balance?
Look for peace and joy in the relationship with the Lord Jesus. Study the Holy Scriptures and apply them in life. Do not hang up to corny people and do not search for their friendship that is dangerous for two reasons: they hurt you and if you continually spend too much time with them, you can become as them in a day, as the Holy Scripture says:
Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)(NASB)
Search real friends and apply the advice given by Apostle Paul to his beloved disciple Timothy:
Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22)(NASB)
In the friendship between a boy and a girl
I understand that you mean a guy that you love and expect him to ask you to marry him, but who behaves scornfully and considers you ”a dude who will forgive any and all”.I advise you as my daughter, if you want to be happy, I urge you to tell him today not to come to you anymore and do not have any kind of friendship.This boy doesn’t love you, but as a parasite, takes advantage of you, and wants to use you more. Cease any relationship with him, but not before you tell him to seek forgiveness from the Lord Jesus and a transformation of character.I know it will be hard because, I suppose, you are very much attached to him. You have to do it and to stop this relationship until it has not worked in worse.
Translated by Felicia Rotaru