What shall you do when you think that a boy is enloved with you and doesn’t take any initiative?

I wrote this article to answer this question that was given by a reader of the portal Moldova Creștină.

Priest Vasile, I have got a question that worries me for more time and I can’t solve it, because it is too difficult for me. I have loved a guy for three years and I know that he is not indifferent as well, but besides all his good qualities, he is a shy person (I can’t say this is a bad quality if it is used with moderation) and he can’t take a step so that we can talk more or take some initiatives. Our pastor knows about his feelings toward me, but he doesn’t touch this problem with me. I know that I am a girl and that I have to pray and to wait. This is what I do. But what shall I do next? How much shall I wait? I can wait until old age and he will not have courage to approach me. Or shall I understand that it is not God’s will for this relation, marriage? I have got no idea. Please, give me an advice from your great experience of spiritual counseling. Thank you.

Are you sure that the boy is enloved?

When I read this message to my wife, she asked: “Is she absolutely sure that the guy is enloved with her?” and she told me a case when a girl told her that it seems a guy was enloved with her, but he did not take any initiative. But in less than a month that guy, who seemed had no initiative proposed marriage to another girl and they are a beautiful family now. It happens for many times, when you want a thing so hard, it seems to you that it already exists. And this usually happens when we talk about the feeling of love. It is good for every girl who has the same situation as the one described in the message I have received to think better and ask herself if the guy has any feeling at all.

God let the initiative to men

Since the creation of the man and the woman, God set that the initiative of the relations that lead to marriage should be taken by the man, as the Scriptures say:

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)(NASB)

Men don’t like when they are taken what belongs to them and, even if they are not conscious of this, they have an unpleasant subconscious feeling and this makes them move to a distance the woman who took the initiative. I know some cases when girls took the first step and then, those certain guys were trying to avoid them as often as possible, even if they were good friends and worked in the same team.

Respect the initiative of men

It is true that some men are shy because they grew in difficult circumstances, or maybe they have other reasons, and they can like a girl, but are afraid to take the initiative. Or maybe they have had an unpleasant situation once. I know a guy that was very shy, and came to me and told me that he liked a girl, but he didn’t have the courage to propose marriage to her. I explained him that he was a man and that he had to take that step. And what do you think? When he went to propose marriage to that certain girl, she behaved very arrogantly and despised him. It will be difficult for that boy to approach another girl now, after he had such an experience. That’s why, every wise girl has to behave respectfully when she is proposed marriage and refuses the proposal, she must show appreciation and respect for the guy who proposed marriage to her. For whoever that guy is, if he wants to live for the rest of his life with you, that means he has set much store on you. Appreciate this thing and answer with respect even if you have to refuse his proposal.

You do not want to be married with a man who has no initiative

On the other hand, I don’t think you want to marry a man who doesn’t have initiative, because you do not want to have a child and not a husband for your whole life. A man has to be determined and have initiative in all things, because it is expected from him to provide for the family and to protect his children and wife. He is expected to make wise decisions. But if you marry a man who doesn’t have initiative, you will feel as a mother for him and not as a wife. I don’t think any woman wants such marriage. And then, it is better not to be married at all, than to be married anyhow. I think that it is better so.

Talk to your pastor

The reader says that the pastor knows the situation and the feelings of that boy. I can not know the situation as well as the pastor of the local church does. I advise the author of the message and any other girl that has a similar situation to go and discuss with the pastor, and ask for his advice. A pastor that knows the Word of God and that loves people whom he leads will give a wise answer and right solutions for sure.

Translated by Felicia Djugostran