What shall you do when you are in love with the brother of your sister’s husband?


I’m in love with a boy. He is a true Christian, the problem is that his brother is married to my sister. If I marry him, I am sure this is not incest because we are not blood relatives, but through marriage. Leviticus 18 and 20 talk about the relations that should not exist in any form, and this one is not mentioned. Nevertheless, I would like to know the opinion of a pastor, but I am embarrassed to go to my pastor because he knows both of us, and I’m not sure that the boy likes me and I do not want to be the one who initiates the relationship. I want to know the opinion of a pastor who will really respond according to the Scripture, not his own opinion or tradition. I have been reading your blog for a while and I saw that you really answer everything according to the Bible. I have known him for many years, but I started to like him about two years ago, I tried many times to forget him. I have recently read a book by Leslie Ludy for girls and there I found an idea that I liked a lot. It is written that if we think that we are in love, it is good to give our feelings to God until the proper time, because if we spend much time thinking about a boy, he can become an idol, because the Lord Jesus must be in our thoughts the most. And there are also presented some ideas how to do that. I tried and it really works, now I almost do not think about him over the week (or at least I try not to think about him) and yet whenever I see him, my heart jumps out of my skin. Do you think I should completely forget him or is it possible that it is God’s for us to be together? Thanks a lot.

The legality of marriage

Yes, you’re right, in the Holy Scriptures such marriage is not in the prohibited list and therefore, I, as pastor and preacher of the gospel, am not allowed and I can not say anything more than what the Holy Scriptures say. On this site I have been often asked such questions and I presented there the biblical passages.

Guard your heart

As for the feeling you have for that boy, I also think that you must defeat it and stop thinking about him or about another one in the sense of a future marriage, because through these thoughts, you start to artificially feed a feeling and this can cause you disappointment and can give rise to a shoot of bitterness. That is why in the book Song of Songs it is written and repeated three times:

I want you to swear, O daughters of Jerusalem, do not arouse or awaken my love until she pleases. – (Song of Songs 8:4)(NASB)

It is a decision and a choice that you should make, so as not to arouse love until she comes. But you may wonder: When does love come? When a boys approaches to ask you to marry him, then you have to bring your feelings to God and give the boy an appropriate response according to the answer you will get from God. Until then, you should follow the advice of the Apostle Paul who said:

The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:34)(NASB)

Be concerned about the things of the Lord now, as to be holy both in body and spirit and do whatever you can to advance the Gospel and the salvation to those who are lost.

Translated by Felicia Rotaru