How often should I tell my wife I love her?

Neither of the two options that you mention will cause happiness in a family. When a person fills up the room with sweet words yet does not show kindness and love through actions then this causes pain and sadness in the family. At first glance, the second option presented above may seem like a good choice but it is not either. Showing love through actions yet not sharing it in words will not bring happiness either.

Question:

I have something that I would like to ask, but it is a delicate situation. It is clear from the Bible that men are to love their wives the way that Christ loves His Church. The wife is to submit to her husband the way that the Church is submissive to Christ. Many wives complain that their husbands do not say “I love you” enough even though these same men demonstrate this love through their actions. For example, they work to provide for the family, forgive easily, and tolerate many things etc. Then there are other husbands who fill up their wives ears with sweet words yet would not think twice about being unfaithful. Which do you think is better, to be a husband who constantly tickles his wife’s ears with sweet words yet does not serve her interests but his own or, to be a husband who shows his love for his wife more through practical things such as providing for the family? In other words, is it better to be false in sweet words or more pragmatic through actions? Thank you for your help.

We all need to hear loving words because it is for our own good. In Solomon’s proverbs, we find the following:

24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb , Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. (Proverbs 16:24)

As you can see, pleasant words are beneficial to us not only to make us feel well but also to heal us.

The Apostle John is often called the Apostle of love because he wrote so much about the subject. He writes to his recipients about this subject, love. He calls them “beloved” 5 times and he calls them “little children” 6 times (which is also an expression of love and affection). As you can see, the author purposely uses words to show love and affection to his recipients. We also find this written in the same epistle:

17 But whoever has the world’s goods, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him? 18 Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth. 19 We will know by this that we are of the truth, and will assure our heart before Him 20 in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart and knows all things. (I John 3:17-20)

In this text, the apostle speaks of people who say that they love (they use the sweet words) yet they do not show that love through their actions and the author basically calls them hypocrites. If love is just shown through words and not in actions then it is not really love. On the other hand, love shown but not spoken is not enough. We have seen that a person benefits from love when it is shown in actions and shared through words. God showed His love to us through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ when were were sinners and enemies. God did not just limit Himself to the action of showing His love, He sent the message of the Gospel to us through the Holy Scriptures (words). The Bible is God’s love letter written to each one of us. We all need to pay attention to the love of God and its manifestation through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. How? By believing in Christ and accepting what God has done for us so that we can be forgiven of our sins and one day enter the Kingdom of heaven. This will help us be able to love others in words and deeds. May the Lord help us