How should I advise a person about marriage, knowing that she is making a bad choice?


I have a friend, who is a very good girl. She met a guy and fell in love with him over the internet. He wrote to her and explained that he realizes that they are a good match. He is in Italy, while she in Moldova. He promised to come but did not because he could not get off work. She is planning on stopping her studies at the university and is confident that this relationship is the will of God. I do not believe that this is of God. Please advise me about how to talk to her.

The Internet is a virtual world, reality may disappoint you

I know a couple who met online. They communicated via the Internet over a long period of time and then met in person. Shortly thereafter, he proposed marriage, she accepted, and they are now a happy family.

I do not believe that this is the norm for internet relationships. In the virtual world of the internet, a person  can create a false personality, with the intention of misleading others. Often this personality does not resemble reality at all.

What happens if the personality that she saw in those short messages over the internet does not coincide with the guy’s real character? What happens if he does not have a genuine relationship with God like he has led her to believe?

Do not rush to decision

It is not good that she left the university because marriage should not entangle you from achieving your goals. On the contrary, marriage should help you in achieving your goals. Therefore, it is better not to rush, but to seek to understand if …

He has a genuine relationship with God

A man who has a personal relationship with God is a man who has repented and has been born again. Repentance means acknowledged your  sins, asking God for  forgiveness, getting  baptized, attending church, and obeying the Word of God. This is all seen in the way that a man lives his daily life. Could it be that your friend is so “in love” that she has overlooked the fact that this person is not a genuine follower of Christ?

He has a good relationship with his family

If you want to know how a man will treat his future wife, then you need to watch the way he relates to his family, especially his mother and sisters. If he does not respect his mother then he will more than likely not respect his future wife.

She needs to seek advice from her parents and / or the pastor of her church

It would be wise for her to listen to people who are older than she is, especially her parents and pastor of the church. This is important because these are the people who love her and want to advise her for her own benefit. She should speak openly and honestly with her parents, asking them their view on the situation and being open to listening to their advice. She does not need to rush to get married because if changes need to be made or if she wants to change her mind about the covenant of marriage she needs to realize God’s warning:

16 “For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the LORD of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” (Malachi 2)

She needs to study the Scriptures

Ask her if she would like to study the Scriptures together with you. I advise the course, “One day a marriage without regrets“. This study offers many great teachings, important teachings from the Scriptures about preparing for marriage. This will help her make the necessary, important decisions for the future.

Translation by: Erik Brewer