Is it wise to propose to a good-hearted girl if you are not attracted to her physical appearance?


Good evening! A little while ago I experienced a failure following a broken relationship or it would be more correct to say that I caused this failure. I spoke with a girl whose character attracted me, unfeigned loyalty to God, kindness, diligence and simplicity. On the other hand, looking at her, I was not very excited about her physical appearance. By this I don’t mean that I thought she was ugly, just that she was not brilliant from that point of view. The word I could use to characterize it would be ordinary or acceptable. The fact that I was not very pleased with the physical appearance and that from this point of view she was not what I dreamed my wife would be, made me give up. I still think about her and I don’t know where I should go. Should I invest in this relationship, trying not to give importance to the physical appearance, but to value the other (inner) qualities? In this case I wonder: would it be normal to do this or should I try to forget her, waiting for another person with whom I can be fully satisfied with the physical appearance and, of course, without ignoring the inner side at all? And so I wonder: have we been made to physically like a certain kind of person? God created us with certain affinities from this point of view, or are we capable of loving any kind of person (I mean the husband-wife relationship), regardless of physical appearance? The ultimate question is this: should I or should I not consider physical appearance? And if so, to what extent?

I think you don’t need to invest in this relationship anymore since you are not completely in love and excited with the girl you wrote about. To initiate a marriage you must be completely in love with that person, love her completely and have no reservations or doubts about marrying her. Only then can you initiate a marriage. In the book Song of Songs the two lovers continuously admire each other and the man especially shows his delight in the external appearance of his beloved, in her external beauty. And she continues to express how delighted she is with him, including his physical appearance. If you don’t see this girl as beautiful enough, you won’t be able to admire her. But this is a very important part of the marriage relationship – knowing how to admire your wife. Unfortunately, there are many men who do not know how to admire their wives and this is sad and contrary to the sound teaching of the Lord Jesus Christ. He teaches us to love our wives as ourselves, to feed and care for them with love, that is, with affection, with delight.

At the same time, I want to draw your attention to a warning made by the wise Solomon in the Bible, namely:

Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion (Proverbs 11:22)

See that you do not let yourself be too attracted by the beauty of some mindless girl and then suffer for the rest of your life. Take care! Solomon got caught up in this race. The Bible also says:

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30)

May God bless you with wisdom and build a beautiful family when the time comes.