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Question:
I live with a divorced man, who has 4 children, and together we have a 3-year-old girl. I am baptized in the Orthodox Church, but I have attended more often the Baptist church in my hometown. Lately I am very worried about my state of mind, because I made a lot of mistakes and I can’t get clear ideas. I’m not feeling well in the situation I’m in now. I also know that if I have sinned, now I have to pay for the situation I am in, now this is the fruit of sin and yet I would like to make a decision, but I would like to consult with you. How should I proceed now? Is it right according to the Bible to live with a divorced man? We are not married and lately I would like to break off this relationship, but I am not sure if it is right before God. Please advise me how to proceed.
I read the message and the first thing you need to know and be sure of is that….
The relationship you have now is sinful
Even if you have a child in this relationship, you have not officiated either the wedding or the civil marriage, and therefore this relationship is outside the covenant of marriage and is a sinful one, for it is written:
Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers. (Hebrews 13:4 NASB)
The relationship you have also dishonors marriage, which was instituted by God, and attracts His judgment. From the message it seems to me that
You do not have a true relationship with God either
The fact that you went to the Baptist or Orthodox church does not necessarily mean that you have a real relationship with God. In order to have such a relationship with Him, you must believe wholeheartedly in the Lord Jesus Christ and decide to become His disciple, study the Bible, and follow His teaching to the end of your life, living in holiness. I recommend that you follow the instructions at the end of this article to enter into this relationship with God through faith in Jesus Christ. After you enter the New Covenant, you will have to resolve the situation of living with this man. The first thing is to urge him to become a disciple of Jesus Christ.
If the man is really divorced
Maybe you should advise him to return to his first wife and, if possible, to rebuild his family and take care of his 4 children, who are now growing up without a father. But if there is no possibility of his return, if his ex-wife has remarried or does not want to rebuild the family, then you could form a family now with him, but think carefully and be sure that you will not be prevented from worshipping the Lord Jesus Christ. Otherwise, if he is not divorced or if he does not accept you as a Christian, you must separate from him, even if you have a child together. Do not prevent him from taking part in raising the child, for he is her father, but you can no longer remain in this cohabitational relationship, for it is immoral and those who believe in Christ crucify their earthly nature with its lusts and passions.
How will the separation be reflected on the child?
I know that one thought that can stop you is the fear of missing her father. If you want to give your child a family, then it must be a real family, not a cohabitation. If the little girl grows up in this environment you are in now, she will have very distorted conceptions of family and Christianity and I don’t think you want that. You want to raise your daughter in the fear of the Lord and show her a model of holy living, even if you have not succeeded so far.
May God bless you and help you to follow Him in all things and may He build you a beautiful family, even if you have made serious mistakes so far that leave consequences. Believe wholeheartedly in Jesus Christ and choose to live a new life with Him.
Translated by Didina Vicliuc