Dating and successful marriage

There are some things in people’s life that intercede it and step by step become usual even if they are not always correct. One of these things is dating between girls and boys. Did it shock you? Have little patience to read this article up to the end and then you will draw the conclusion if I am right or not. You can send your conclusion or questions to the email:

Definition “Dating”

Before I present the arguments, it is important to define the term “dating”. In this article, the term “dating” reffers to the time when a young man and a young woman, a man and a woman, choose to meet separately systematically, having talks and an intensive communication to spend time together, having the purpose to know each other better. For many times, these datings are accompanied by touches, kisses and sometimes datings can extend for years. Datings have an intimate character, this means that the man and the woman, the guy and the girl prefer to be only they two, separated of the rest of the world. Datings are more than just a simple friendship because it implies very strong feelings, hopes and a great will to be close to the other person. The term “dating” from this article doesn’t refer to the time that the boys and girls spend in the same group of people, such as the same school, the same class, group at the University, the same church, the same working place or some other event where many people are met.

Why do you have to avoid datings?

Let us look at the reasons and arguments that will show us why it is right for young people to avoid dating and why this will insure them of a happy and  fulfilled marriage.

1.Datings don’t have a biblical reliance

How strange it may seem, but datings don’t have any biblical reliance. I haven’t found in the Bible passages that would tell a man or a woman to have a specific period with the future wife or husband, when they would know better each other etc. People speak in this way, but it doesn’t have a biblical reliance and how we will see further, it doesn’t bring any positive result in the context of knowing better the other person.

2.Datings arouse feelings and passions that can be fulfilled correctly only in marriage

One of the  repeated key-phrase in the Book Song of Songs from the Bible says:“I want you to swear, O daughters of Jerusalem, do not arouse or awaken my love until she pleases.” (Song of Songs 8:4) Even the special feelings that you have for an opposite sex person will motive you to initiate datings and to spend time together. These feelings will not content only with this and if you are a healthy man or woman, you will want touches and kisses. All these will only intensify your unfulfillment and you will burn in your passion to have sexual relations with that person. If you pretend to be an upright man or woman, fearing God, then you will not commit adultery. Still, this condition when you are under a pression of a strong sexual passion it is not comfortable and it is not good to find yourself in such a condition. Systematic datings arouse and entertain this condition.

3.Datings produce worries and anxiety

In the first Epistle to Corinthians, Paul wrote: “But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord.  But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:32–33) Paul doesn’t mean here to that of being affectionate and fulfilling the needs of your partner when you are married, but to the exaggeration that people show and to a selfish desire to please the other, also with personal intersts, to receive more from him. That’s why, above, in the passage the author said that “those who have wives should be as though they had none”, meaning to remain fully dedicated to the Lord and to behave wisely with the wife. If you look around attentively, you will see that the boys as the girls, since they start going to datings they want to call another person’s attention, begin to do everything to please that person. These are great worries, but they are not pleasing to God. He wants us to live cleanly and transparently before Him and before people. At the same time when two start dating, there appear some conflicts, misunderstandings and this paralizes both of them or at least one of them, so that he/she is not able to do away with other responsabilities, such as preaching the Gospel, school, work, etc.

Let’s go on looking at the reasons and arguments that will show us why it is right for young people to avoid dating and why this will insure them of a happy and fulfilled marriage.

4. Dating negatively affects your activities and responsabilities.

Instead of caring about preaching the Gospel and then of your responsabilities that you have at school, at work, your mind is concerned the whole day with a person or with the words that have or have not been said to you, etc. You can not focus yourself on studying, you don’t want to go to work and if you go, you do your job without any dedication to do it well. Why not to use this time that you spend on dating to learn how to do a job well, to prepare good material condition for your future family? If you possibly go on dates, analyze yourself to see how much this affected your activity and especially your responsability. How will this reflect on your future family? Will you be able to do away with your responsabilities if now you decrease instead of increasing in how you are fulfilling them?

5.Dating is an obstacle in finding out one’s character.

Don’t you believe? Look attentively and judge for yourself. Haven’t you observed how since you started to date you behave differently than you do in reality. You became a wonderful actor and began to play a performance where you want to show yourself well, the best. In many cases, the same things goes for the other person because he/she wants to please you if he/she has some feelings for you. So, you see how you will never manage to know the true character of this person. You could see more, looking from the outside without initiating the datings.

6.Dating leads more to breaking than to  building the relation.

When a man and a woman enter the covenant of marriage, both of them know that they have duties in this covenant and can never think of divorce or separation. But then, when they are not married, at every greater conflict, and these appear often, at least one of them starts to think of breaking the relation. This thought of breaking the relation will find a place in the mind. If the relation is going well, maybe you will marry and then some moments of crisis will appear, that are always present in the life of a couple and that have to be overcome with wisdom and patience. It is a great danger that in those moments of crisis, the thought of separation that was implanted in you mind since you were dating, will appear again and will challenge you to divorce. And then, if you couldn’t  face the temptation to go and date, why do you think you will be able to face the greater temptation to divorce? Isn’t it better to avoid from the beginning dating and the thought of separation and in this way you will fulfill in your life the verse: “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” (Proverbs 4:23) (NASB)

7.Dating affects the moderation.

Boys and girls, when they start dating, learn to flirt, that is to do some actions to call the person of the opposite sex’s attention and these actions have also a sexual connotation. It’s a kind of play with words, with gestures, etc. that people use to call the opposite sex person’ attention. This play means something romantic in itself and has to be kept only for your husband or your wife. Those who begin to spend time on dates, start to practice flirting also and don’t show moderation. This will become a habit and it will bring them a lot of troubles and jealousy in their marriage. If you do not go on dates, you show moderation and this is very precious in God’s and people’s eyes.

8.Dating hurts feelings.

If a boy initiates dating but doesn’t make an offer for marriage, he hurts the girl’s feelings and makes her doubt her value in his eyes. If it comes to touches, kisses, both the boy and the girl will want a whole fulfillment that can be only in the sexual relation. Only in marriage the sexual relation brings joy, in any other way, it creates guilt and a miserable feeling in the boy’s conscience and especially in the girl’s and it will bring a big shame to both of them and to their families. To provoke the sexual desires of a person and to keep him/her on the boil for a long time is a hurt of the feelings. That’s why it is not good to initiate or to accept a period of dating with a person of an opposite sex before marriage.

9.Dating puts you in the danger zone.

Long termed dating, strong feelings, touches and then kisses can make you one day lose control and commit adultery. The danger is very big and since it happens, the consequences will be vey many and very serious. The conscience will be burdened by guilt and you will not be able to have in your marriage the joy of the sexual relation that you could have if you kept yourself clean until the wedding day, that of entering the covenant before God.

10. Dating can bring you a bad reputation.

Even if you choose to meet and just to discuss, even if you establish some limits in your relation, dating will bring you a bad name. Who will believe that you haven’t already had immoral sexual relations. Don’t you see in what kind of world we live, where young people agree to have sexual relation on the first or second date? The unbelievers will judge you in the same way and this will bring a bad name to you, to the person with whom you spend time dating, to your parents, to the church of Jesus Christ whose name you say that your bear and testify.

11.Young people’s’ dating can negatively affect the parents.

When their boy starts to date for a longer period or even worse, when he dates a girl today, another tomorrow, etc., parents become anxious. They can expect everything and even the idea that their child spends much time with an opposite sex person can bring them shame in front of the church and of the people. It is not good and correct to bring shame to your parents. It is better to choose to have an upright character and to keep yourself clean in your thoughts and actions to have a happy marriage and to bring joy to all around you and honor to God. Do not initiate and do not accept a date.

For certainty you ask yourself: “OK, if I do not go on dates, how will I marry then?” I will come with an answer to this question in the next posts.

Translated by Djugostran Felicia