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Question:
Peace to you, dear Vasile Filat! I have a question that I have been wrestling with for a while, and I would like to get your perspective on it. I have been married for several years and we cannot have children and the modern medicine cannot help us. Recently, a brother from the church, whom I considered pretty mature in his faith, told us to use the sperm bank, which is to use the sperm of a donor. This seemed pretty weird to me. I told him that it would be the same as cheating on your husband in order to get pregnant. Or I can take the sperm of a stranger, through medical procedures to put it in your body, and get pregnant. It is pretty much the same. Shouldn’t a child be the result of the love between two married people? Aren’t children a blessing from God? Is it right to try to have children by any means? I would like to see what you think about this. Thank you beforehand.
Let us not be conformed to this world
The Scripture calls us, as Christians, to not be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewal of our mind, that by testing we may discern what the will of God is, what is good, and acceptable and perfect. It is very sad to see that more and more people called to follow the teaching of our Lord Jesus Christ are being conformed to this world. Now we have entire denominations that think that homosexuality is not a sin anymore, that euthanasia can be accepted, or that there is nothing wrong with their religios leaders partying in the night clubs. Sad reality. That is why paul warned Timothy about the last days as follows:
In the presence of God and of Christ jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: preach the Word, be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage- with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their eyes from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry. (2 Timothy 4:1-5 NIV)
Children should be born in the family of married parents
The words below were said by God to a married couple, Adam and Eve:
God blessed them and said to them: “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” (Genesis 1:28 NIV)
It is a well- known and widely accepted thing that the children born outside of marriage are illegitimate children, because it is against the Word of God. And you are right when you say that using a donor or sleeping with another man in order to concieve is actually the same thing. It even has worse repercussions for choosing a sperm donor, since the so-called “doctors” do not make the identity of the donor known either to the woman or the child that is going to be born.
Do you want to live in dishonesty all your life?
Let us suppose that the child is born, and everybody thinks he/she was born from the seed of your husband. Could you lie for the rest of your life? Would you be able to hide the truth from the child that will be born? Imagine being in the child’s shoes, and finding out one day that the person whom you have always considered to be your dad is actually not related to you, and there are no chances to ever find out who your true father is. If you would not want this thing to happen to you, how much less should you desire this for the child born from your body.
What is the solution then?
Do not make use of methods that involve killing, like in-vitro, or those that are in essence adultery, like using the sperm of sperm donors. If you will take these routs, you will just fill your life with guilt, shame, and consequences affecting even eternity. It is better to do something worthy of the Name of our God and adopt one or more chidren. By doing this you will have children and you will bring joy, hope and love in the lives of children who have lost their parents or have been abandoned by them. May God help you in doing good!
Translated by Mihalea Florescu