Can a man be saved if he has not confessed his infidelity to his wife?


I have a problem that I am struggling with for a long time. I am married and a few years ago we had serious problems in marriage, often scandals with my wife, misunderstandings, unhappiness. Devil managed to make room into our lives. I want to mention that both of us have dedicated our lives to God before getting married and were attending the same church. After much unhappiness I realized that our marriage was a mistake. I met someone else and had a relationship that lasted several weeks and then I realized that it was a mistake and I stopped to meet with her. Soon things started to go better and better with my wife, we began to pray more, to fast, and everything has changed slowly but surely. Over the years our relationship has blossomed and now we are happier than ever. The problem is that I never said to my wife about that relationship I had had. I did not have courage because I knew I would not be forgiven. She said to me several times that the only thing that she could never forgive was infidelity. I prayed to God to forgive me, I repented of my sin, but now I still wonder if it’s enough. I’m afraid to risk my salvation. On the other hand, if I tell her, she will not forgive me and she will certainly want to divorce. I do not want to ruin her life, that would bring a lot of suffering to our families and she would suffer enormously. I realize the seriousness of sin and I asked God for forgiveness many times. What to do? It is absolutely necessary to confess to my wife? I wanted to tell her a few nights ago and I said that I had done something very bad in the past that would hurt her very much if she found out. She told me that she did not want to know, because past was past and then I had changed and she was living with the present me, she did not want to know something that would cause suffering to both of us and that if it did not affect her then, it was useless to exhume the dead. What do you think? Did God forgive me for my sin? I hope that God will give you wisdom to guide me in the right way. Many blessings!

It is sad to hear about the tragedy that happened in your relationship with your wife, but I think that your repentance was true, based one what you have written and that you have received a full forgiveness from God. That is why I think so …

1. The confession of sin before God

This is the main prerequisite to receiving forgiveness. I Epistle of John was addressed to the Christians, born again people, and there it says:

If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:8-9)(NASB)

To confess means, first of all, to agree with the accusations that God brings to you, to admit, to regret and to fully and categorically deny that sin. The fact that once you have repented of the sin you have committed and never repeated it again, it is a proof that it was a true confession of sin before God and He, who is faithful and just, has forgiven your sin, because He washes any unrighteousness.

2. Confession before the people you have sinned against

True repentance also involves confession of sins to the people against whom those sins were committed. In the Epistle of James it is written:

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. (James 5:16)(NASB)

The fornication sin you have committed was before your wife, firstly, so, you must confess to her your sin and ask forgiveness. From what you have written, I understand that you made an attempt to confess your sin to your wife and this is further proof that you had a true repentance.

3. A full forgiveness

I found your wife’s decision very wise, when she said that she did not want to know details that would bring only pain. This response itself shows her spiritual maturity and that she is ready to forgive everything. But, she has well done that she has forgiven without asking for details. Therefore, my advice is to not bring this subject under discussion and not insist on it. God has forgiven you as He promised in His Word and your wife also has forgiven you. From now on, God bless you marriage and your love for each other may always grow.

Translated by Felicia Rotaru